Drugs and Deities
by Xenanutra
Summary: What would you do if you finally found someone who didn't judge you? What would you do if you both ruined each other's lives in the process? Penny.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings (general- will only be posted once): Swearing, gore, homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, death, sexual themes, and violence.

Disclaimers: I own nothing but my words.

Chapter One:

I could hear him sigh heavily from across the hall. I could tell he thought no one was around because I saw his body slump and a dark, depressed look cross his face. He never did that, he always stood erect and the light bouncing off of his smile was dangerous if stared at. I could understand why he would be upset right now, though. Someone had shoved a bunch of tampons and pads in his locker and when he opened it they all fell on him. The pads were out of their wrappers and some even stuck on him as they tumbled out.

People have been doing that ever since someone found out he was gay. They called him a fag and a girl for a while, and then someone had the bright idea to take the girl joke to another level. Every now and then they'd do this and I heard in a rumor once that some of them were used. People took the task of picking on him to another level. They pick on me every so often, calling me a cheap whore or a poor fag, but never to the level that they tortured him.

I feel sorry for him. He was just standing there, staring at the intestines of his locker, and I could tell he was trembling softly. I had the compulsion to go and console him and tell him that everyone at this school is just a bunch of jerks and that everything was going to be all right, but I knew that was a lie. I stood there, peeking out of the threshold of the bathroom. He started to move and I figured now was the time to go back and hide.

I went back in the bathroom and into the cripple stall, locking it behind me. Normally I would sit on the toilet Indian style so no one would see me and report me, but today it looked like the janitors hadn't cleaned the toilet. I might be treated like shit, but I wasn't about to sit in it. I sat on the floor in a corner and lit up a cigarette. Most people thought they would get caught if they did that in the school bathroom, but surprisingly I never was. The hall monitors and teachers usually kept their eyes on the lookout near the sides of the buildings. That was where the Goth kids sat around and smoked and the teachers were more preoccupied with the large number of kids than the one poor, dirty, stoner kid. They felt there was hope for the Goths who were only into cigs, coffee, and the occasional pot, but not for me. I was just a useless sac of shit and a waste of air.

I took a long drag and put my cig out on the tile floor. I grabbed at my pocket and then sighed when I remember that was my last one. I threw my used cigarette in the toilet and decided I could skip my afternoon classes and go buy a new pack. I was about to stand when I heard the bathroom door open and slam shut. The lock on the door then clicked and I knew whoever came in didn't know I was here. I didn't move or say anything. I was interested in seeing who was skipping now. Usually I was able to hide in here without any interruption because of some new "no bathroom breaks during class" rule that the principle had instituted.

The sound of soft crying wafted over to me and my interest was piqued. I leaned down and saw a pair of black sneakers and blue jeans standing in front of the sink. I recognized those shoes and pants, but from where eluded me. Was it from one of my many clients? The crying intensified to sobbing and I could tell that the guy in here wasn't a very manly man; his voice was too soft and higher pitched. My mental catalog of clients was cut by two-thirds. Surprisingly many of my clients were jocks or burly men seeking more than what their whore girlfriend could ever give them. That's why they came to me. I was blonde, blue eyed, and would do things no self-respecting woman would ever do.

I heard the poor guy make a gurgling gasp sound and then a pad fell to the ground. I jumped up and unlocked the door. I heard him gasp again when he saw me through the mirror. Our eyes locked and I saw shame consume him. A pain shot through what little was left of my heart. Poor guy_. _He turned around and eyed me warily.

"Y-you aren't going to hurt me, a-are you?" He was trembling and snot was running down to his top lip.

"No." I'm not some bully. I know how he feels.

I saw relief lift some weight off of his shoulders as he got a paper towel and wiped off the gathering mucus. "Thanks."

"Are you going to be alright?" His light blue eyes shot at me and I saw confusion and wariness was held in them. I just stood there stoically.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks." He gave me that blinding smile of his, but I could tell he was pretending.

I nodded, "No problem." He splashed water on his face and then dried off. He moved towards the door and I towards my stall when I heard him speak up.

"Kenny," I spun around, surprised at hearing my name being called by him. "Are your services open?" He was facing the door, with his hand on the lock and his head drooping.

"What?" There is no way someone like him would want something like that.

I saw him droop even more and then unlock the door. "Never mind…" He walked out.

I can't believe he just did that. He always seemed to have an air of regal innocence, like he always held his head high and smiled kindly even as someone punched the teeth out of it. He never retaliated or spoke ill of someone. I knew he was gay and everything, signaling he had some sort of sexuality, but I guess my mind automatically inserted a halo over his head, like he was some kind of high and innocent angel. I could totally see him standing next to God in one of the visits to the afterlife that I used to have as a child. I never really even thought about him that way, and believe me, anyone who was good looking in the least ran through my head at least once in some sort of fantasy. I always imagined them when I had to service the ugly ones. It was like he was some unattainable martyr and that it would be a sin to even think of him that way. Like if you did the literal halo around his head from the shine of his blonde hair would dim and the radiance that seeped out of his pores would dry up.

"I hope he's okay…" I whispered to myself. I should go check on him. I walked out of the bathroom and looked both ways, hoping to see his trailing figure, but he was gone. I looked over at his locker and all the pads and tampons were gone. He must've cleaned them up, being the helpful and nice guy he is. I turned to go back in the bathroom when I saw that one pad was stuck to bottom locker near his. I went over and picked it up and was about to throw it away when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey! What are you doing out of class, McCormick?" I whirled around on my heel and found Mr. Simmons, the principal, behind me.

"Uhh…"

"What is that, McCormick? Is that a pad? What are you doing with a pad?"

"I was just-"

"Shut it. I don't want to hear about whatever sick thing you are doing with that feminine product. Just come on down to the office."

I sighed and threw it away in the trash can I was standing next to. I followed him to the office and sat in one of the chairs inside. I got comfortable and decided I would take a nap. He always made you wait outside forever. It was another one of his crack pot ideas. He thought if you didn't go to the bathroom during class that you could get more done and learn more, when, in actuality, you were concentrating on not pissing yourself the whole time. This sitting outside business was meant to shame you as people walked by the glass walls of the office and to make you sit there and squirm in your guilt. Too bad that most of the people, including me, didn't care if anyone saw and were already desensitized to guilt already. I yawned and was about to lay my head back when I heard Mrs. Hatchett talking loudly.

"It's okay, hunny. Don't sweat it! I understand completely. Just don't make a habit of it."

"Okay. Thank you Mrs. Hatchett, I appreciate it. And I don't plan on making a habit of it either."

It was him. I didn't realize he had this period as an office aid. He flashed a huge, white smile and she nodded. He looked like he hadn't just had a breakdown in the bathroom. He looked damned happy, like he always did. He would be a great actor one day.

She sat her hefty self down in her office chair and then pointed to something on her desk and then to me. "Be a dear and write his referral slip, will you, Pip?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He gave her an enthusiastic smile and then looked to see which hooligan got in trouble this time. He glanced over at me with some of that happy crinkle left under his eyes. It went away though when we locked eyes and I could've sworn I saw pain replace it before he quickly looked away. He hesitated until she gave him a look. He grabbed one of the slips and a pen before he came and sat down by me.

"Kenny," he looked up from the form, "How do you spell your last name?"

"M-little C- big C-O-R-M-I-C-K."

He scribbled my name on it and filled out some other fields before he spoke again. "What did you get in trouble for?"

"Simmons caught me in the hallway… throwing away a pad."

He went tense in his seat and just gazed at the paper for a few moments. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered.

"It's all good." He relaxed and I heard him breathe in relief. "What, did you think I'd beat you up for something that isn't even your fault?"

"I never know what anyone is going to do anymore," there was a morbid tone to his voice that surprised me. I was expecting his cheery voice to return and for him to deny he even thought that. He was acting strange.

"Are you sure you are all right? You're not acting like your normal self."

"I didn't realize you knew me well enough to know what my normal is," he had an insolent tone mixed in, but I could hear the alarm laced in his voice that he was trying to hide. I knew the human race enough to tell when people were lying.

"What are you trying to hide?" I don't know why I'm pursuing this. Usually when people are around me I just answer curtly or they aren't there to talk.

He looked shocked and quit writing. The color drained out of his face and he grimaced. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"I think you do."

"What class are you missing right now?"

"What?"

"What class are you missing right now? I need to know so we can excuse you from it."

I felt a little anger spark in the back of head, but it wasn't able to set fire. The stoic barrier I have isn't easily penetrated; it's like the gates of Troy, invincible. I decided that if he was so determined on not talking to me that I might as well give up. He's probably afraid he'll catch some STD from me if we talk. I sighed, "History four with Mr. Hunter." He wrote it down and then left to go turn it in.

"McCormick! Get in here!" Mr. Simmons yelled at me through his open door. I sighed again and got up. So much for my nap.

A.N. Yay crack pairings?

I have actually finished this fic. I wanted to do so before posting because I didn't want it to take up a span of years like _Outcasting English_. I've probably worked on this off and on for more than a year. It was originally going to be a one shot, but it kind of took on a life of its own.

I will update it most likely every other Sunday or so until all 12 chapters have been posted.

Finally, please review and tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is very much appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Apparently my excessive tardies, referrals, skipping, and the pad incident put me over my quota. I was suspended for two days, which, to me, was awesome. I just hung out in the park at my usual spot. I made quite a bit of money and then was able to buy enough alcohol and cigarettes to keep me going for a few weeks.

I showed up Thursday morning buzzed on the vodka I swilled before leaving home. The teachers are stupid and never notice. Or they just don't care. Either way, I'm glad. If they knew they'd stop me. I like what I do. The alcohol lets me sleep, the cigarettes calm me when I'm not drunk, and my job both pays me well and is self-gratifying. I see nothing wrong with my life. Nothing at all. It's everyone else who is fucked up. They just can't see it. They are blind to it, but I see. I see everything in the piece of shit town.

I decided I might as well go to my first class of the day. Coming back from being suspended means everyone's eyes are going to be on me. I'm afraid if I get in trouble much more that I might get expelled. Not that I really care if I graduate or anything, but most of my clients are schoolmates and I'm afraid I'll lose this market if I leave. I walked to Mrs. Draven's AP English IV class. For some odd reason they had placed me in the advanced placement classes. We take a placement test every year and every year I get high enough scores to be in the advanced placement classes, which pissed many people off. They didn't like that the town whore was actually as smart as they were. I don't really blame them, I had always acted stupid. We didn't take the placement tests until high school so all along they believed my act. I don't know why they put me in them though, because I never attend or do the work. I just coast through them and hope I pass. I usually at least get a seventy by doing the in work stuff and homework when I'm there. That pissed even more people off since they actually did the work and still failed.

I slid into my assigned seat and put my head down. I was busy working and didn't get much sleep the previous night. The teacher walked in and started calling roll after the bell rang. She monotonously droned on and on and I started to fall asleep.

"Ohhhh! Everyone! It seems like we have a special guest today! Mr. McCormick decided to join us for once!" I looked around and felt an embarrassed blush creeping up, but I stuffed it down behind my wall. I just stared blankly at all the people laughing at me. I scanned the room and everyone was rolling with laughter. I felt my stomach gurgle discontentedly and I started to regret the vodka. It stopped when I saw the only person not laughing at me. Pip was at the opposite side of the room, sitting there with his bangs covering his eyes. I couldn't really read his face other than the frown I could see peeking out. I wondered absent mindedly why he wasn't laughing until I remembered Monday and the reason I was suspended. The laughing settled and she continued the class.

I was torn. I didn't know if I'd rather just skip second period and risk expulsion or go and put up with all the ass-holes. It would be such an easier decision if I just had some alcohol with me, I'd easily go if my brain wasn't there. If I brought alcohol to school, though, I wouldn't just be expelled, I'd be arrested. I can't afford that. I was about to head to my favorite stall when he bumped into me. I turned lazily and then looked at him with interest when I realized who it was. His eyes kept darting back and forth at the people around us in the hallway.

"I need to talk to you," he whispered where only I could hear.

"Yes?" I stared at him blankly. I was actually surprised though. Usually people wanting to 'talk to me' only meant one thing.

"Not here. Meet me after school. By the evergreens." I didn't get to answer yey or nay because he took off down the hallway. Now this is interesting. I guess I better go to class. I don't want to get suspended and miss this.

The day couldn't go any slower. Not only were anticipation and excitement sparking and dancing a jig in my stomach, but my head started to pound. The vodka had worn off and the binge drinking of the last three days caught up with me. I went to the nurse and took some Tylenol, but nothing can beat a hangover better than a good swig of whiskey.

Finally the last bell rang and I slowly walked towards the woods that grew near the school. I lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply, I had only smoked two during lunch today. The nicotine swirled in my lungs and eased my body. I reached the edge of the woods and sat down on a stump. I pulled out my second cigarette and started lighting it when I heard a voice.

"Do those actually work the way people always say?" I jumped slightly and stood. Pip was leaning against a tree behind me.

"Do what work?"

"Ciggys," he pointed at the one in my hand. I took a drag before answering.

"Even better." I took another drag and then blew the smoke through my nose. He just stood there, staring. "Do you want a try?" I held the cigarette out to him. He hesitated for a moment before taking it.

"I suppose just one won't kill me," he put it tentatively to his lips and took a giant drag on it. I started laughing at his rookie mistake even before he started hacking violently.

"You can't take giant drags in the beginning. Unless, of course, you like coughing until you vomit." I took out another cig and lit it up as he settled down.

"Why'd you light another one?" He went to hand me back the first one and I shook my head.

"You can keep that one. I don't swap spit. I don't want to catch anyone's disease." A perplexed look crossed his face. "Contrary to popular opinion, I am not a STD or disease bag." He looked surprised.

"T-that's not what I was thinking… I was just thinking about how I don't think smoking is exactly my cup of tea." He ground the cigarette out on a tree trunk and threw it down. He was quiet while I finished off my cig. He gazed down at the snow covered ground, embarrassed and obviously feeling awkward.

"What exactly did you call on me for?" He startled and blushed at my words.

"To be honest… I don't really know." He stared at where he threw the cigarette and shifted nervously.

"Okay?" I lit up another one.

"How can you do that?"

"I don't know. I've been a chain smoker for a couple of years now. Better tobacco than other things that can be smoked."

"I guess…"

I sighed, "Pip, did you want something? Because I have stuff that needs attending too."

"I…" He blushed before looking at me. "I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

He looked surprised, "For not picking on me in the bathroom and then for trying to help me by throwing away that… thing and then getting in trouble for it and not beating me up and being so nice about it. Especially since you got suspended for it… I mean, if I got suspended, especially for someone else, I… I don't even know what I'd do."

"It's no big deal, really. I've learned to roll with the punches through the years. I don't really see why people pick on you so much anyways. So what if you're gay? Half of them secretly are anyways. I would know." I felt a smirk crawl around my cigarette when a blush covered his face on my last comment.

"Really? Who? I mean… Ignore me. That was totally rude… I'm sorry."

"Ha, it's alright. No need to be polite around me." He nodded. We both stood there awkwardly for a moment before I grew tired of waiting. I ground my cigarette out on the stump I had been sitting on earlier before picking my bag up. "Listen, Pip. I'm tired of standing around here. I'm going to go get something to eat." He looked down on at the ground silently, like he was used to being brushed off. A pang of pity pushed past my emotional barrier and I felt like I should do something for the poor guy. "And you can come along if you want."

He looked up in surprise before giving a huge smile. "Sure. Where?"

"I don't know. You can decide while we walk to the street." He nodded enthusiastically before following. I saw him look around guiltily once we were out of the trees, making sure that no one was near. A little bit of hurt squirmed its way through a crack in my stoic demeanor, but who can blame him. No one wants to be seen with the town whore. No one wants to get a negative reputation from hanging out with me.

We walked along, and other than his first worrisome looks, the kid looked completely ecstatic. You'd think this guy would have never had a friend before, but, then again, he could just be happy because he thought he was going to get laid tonight. Either way I didn't really mind him tagging along, and if it got me some business, even though I wasn't planning on it that night, I _really_ didn't mind.

"So, where have you decided?" I asked him when we reached the street. Up the hill was the main part of town and as many artery clogging fat factories as you could ever ask for.

"Uhh, would Wendy's be okay? If it's not, I'll go wherever you want."

"I love Wendy's. I could really go for a Frosty right now, anyways." The joy he got from such simple things surprised me. The way his face lit up like the morning sky you would have guessed I had told him he just won one million dollars. Positive energy rolled off of him like radiation from Uranium. I couldn't help but smile myself, only making his smile widen even more.

We walked up the hill and a few blocks more to the Wendy's. He ordered a chicken sandwich and a vanilla Frosty while I ordered a bacon cheeseburger and a chocolate Frosty. We sat down and my stomach gurgled, signaling its excitement that food was going to replace and settle the empty cavity. I couldn't help but tear into my food, but Pip ate calmly like a gentleman.

"You act like you haven't eaten all day," Pip stated while he tried to suck some of the milkshake out.

"That's because I haven't. Breakfast makes me sick and I spent my lunch break in the bathroom."

"Why?"

I thought it would be obvious by how the smell of stale cigarettes wafted off me at all times. "I was catching up on my smoking. It's a dedicated hobby." He made a sound of agreement as he tried and failed to suck the frozen substance through a straw. It was an innocent enough act, but my mind went to something more X rated at the sight. I mentally punched it out; he was too sweet of a kid to think that of. He seemed like he'd be one of those guys that would be embarrassed before, during, and after any sexual activity. He seemed too dignified for PDA.

All of a sudden his pocket started playing a tune and he jumped. I stuffed a laugh down as he pulled his cell phone out and answered. I paid no attention to what he was saying as I tried to coax my own frozen treat out. He shut his phone and put it up before sighing.

"That was my mom. I told her I was out with… a friend." Of course he would never tell her that he was out with _me_. He paused, "Don't you need to call and tell your parents you will be home late?"

I laughed, thinking he was joking, but the confused look on his face told me otherwise. "Oh, you're serious. I don't live with my parents. I don't even know where _they_ are."

"Oh," He looked down awkwardly, "Sorry."

"Don't be. I couldn't stand them, especially when they decided that our family wasn't 'whole' without adding five brothers and sisters. They didn't have enough to feed all of us, so, being the oldest, I left." Immediately after I said that I wanted to smack myself. I never really told much about myself to anyone, so why was I telling him? His face instantly took on an empathetic look and I was reminded of why I never shared myself with anyone, other than them not ever caring.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I prefer living alone." We sat in silence until we both finished everything but our eternally frozen milkshakes. We sat awkwardly for a moment, both of us trying to figure out what we should do next. I could tell he wasn't going to say anything, so I decided to take the initiative.

"Well," I said as I gathered my trash, "I'm going home. You can come with me if you like or you can go home. Either way is good with me." I threw my stuff in the bin and he followed me with his. He looked slightly troubled, and I didn't blame him. Who would want to go to a whore's house? They might catch AIDS or something from the air. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Oh, it isn't that… I was just thinking if there was something I was supposed to do today." He stood thinking for a moment before he smiled up at me. "I have homework, but it isn't due until later. Just let me call my mom and ask her."

A.N.: Oh wow… I totally forgot about updating this story. I'm so sorry, guys. I've been extremely busy with school. I'll try to remember and update once a week from now on.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

After approval from his parents we walked the few blocks toward my apartment in silence. He fidgeted the whole time. I guess he was either afraid of what slum I would live in or he was just anxious thinking about what we might do in my apartment. The look of surprise on his face when we walked into my apartment was priceless. The disbelief made me want to laugh hysterically at the irony and cry at what people expect of me all at the same time. One of the first things I did when I got enough money was move into one of the nice apartment complexes in South Park. I had lived in the slums long enough, so the extra money was worth it. Plus, I had enough left over after paying my rent to buy all the booze, drugs, and cigs I wanted. Working in my line of business had its perks. The reason that the stereotypes of living in shit when you are a whore was perpetuated by all the stupid ones out there. They all thought they had to have a 'daddy' run it for them, but all he does is take your money and keep you down. They lived in the projects because they had no business sense.

Though the apartment was pretty dirty, clothes, bottles, and cigarette butts were spread throughout the house, it wasn't horrible. It looked like a teenage boy lived there, which was, of course, very accurate. I threw my stuff down and cleaned off the couch for Pip. I tossed him the remote.

"Put it on whatever you want, I'll be back in a minute." He nodded and sat down obediently. He looked like a deer in headlights. He was completely out of his element with me and we both knew it.

I went to the bathroom and changed out of my sweat shirt and into a normal fitting T-shirt. Unlike most people that share in my profession, I didn't flaunt my body. I found that there was no need to, everyone approached me. They didn't care what I wore. After all, it was going to all come off anyway, so why not be comfortable? It was hot in my apartment though, so after adjusting the thermostat I went back into my living room. Pip was sitting rigidly, like he was scared of touching the couch, with his hands folded neatly in his lap. He was staring at the television like he was afraid of the rest of the room.

"My house isn't that scary, is it?" He jumped at my voice and then proceeded to blush.

"Ah, no. I'm just not used to visiting other people's houses…" He laughed nervously.

"You blush very easily." His eyes widened in surprise before his blush deepened even more.

"I'm sorry."

"That's no reason to say sorry. I think it's cute and very endearing. Your face shows what you feel. There is no reason to be embarrassed over your feelings."

He was silent for a moment before he smiled at me. "Thanks."

"No problem." I walked into the kitchen and grabbed me a beer. "You want something to drink?" I came out to ask him and he looked at me like I was holding a crack pipe when he saw the beer bottle in my hands. I couldn't help but smirk at his reaction. "I have non-alcoholic drinks too."

"N-non alcoholic, please…" I grabbed a Dr Pepper, handed it to him, and plopped down beside him on the couch. He stared strangely at me as I drank the beer.

"What, have you never had a beer either?"

"No…"

"Want to try?" I held it out to him and he just stared at it. "Come on, one sip isn't going to make you drunk or anything."

"Well… Why not?" He surprised me by grabbing the bottle and then tentatively taking a sip. He scrunched his face up and then stuck his tongue out. "This is vile! Tastes like horse piss!" I couldn't help but crack up as he shoved the bottle back at me and chugged his Dr Pepper. "I can't get the taste out!"

"I know what will get the taste out," I got up and grabbed a Smirnoff Ice from the fridge, "You look like a wine cooler kind of guy anyway."

"Does this taste better?"

"Loads."

"Then why aren't you drinking it?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"Because it's way more expensive than beer. Don't waste it, they are my favorite." I wiped the spit from my beer and proceeded to drink it as he looked the wine cooler's bottle over. I nudged him with my elbow and he took a sip.

"It burns… but it does taste way better." I nodded in agreement and we both sat and drank. It was weird, but I was completely in ease around him.

About ten minutes later I had knocked back two and he finally finished his. He looked at me funnily, like he was trying figure something out.

"What?"

"How'd you drink so many that fast?"

"Practice."

"I feel funny."

"Oh, God. You are a light drinker, aren't you?" He shrugged and I sighed. "Just don't puke. I can't handle puke."

He nodded, "I'm okay." Suddenly the nicotine monster called me and I went to fish my pack out of my backpack. I grabbed one, lit it, and took a long drag. When I turned around Pip was staring at me. "You sure look better in that shirt than you do in sweatshirts."

I cocked my eyebrow, surprised at the mild mannered boy's comment. "Really, now?"

His eyed widened and then he blushed profusely. "D-did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah." His blush got even deeper, which I didn't think was even possible. His neck flushed and he covered his face in shame. I couldn't help but laugh. "It's okay."

Bad thoughts started racing through my head. I sat down next to him and my heart started to race. The prospect of his confirmed attraction to me, like anyone's, excited me to no end. The predator side of me fired up at the chance. I was like a cougar and he a little, white bunny rabbit; and believe me when I say I've taken down way bigger things than bunnies. That part of my brain took over, but at the same time it made me sick to my stomach because I knew that it would ruin a nice boy like him. I also knew that a small part of me was disappointed that he was attracted to me for the sheer fact that it liked his acquaintance and it didn't want him to run away after this. The predator was hungry and a cute fluffy bunny looked absolutely delicious right now. I took a deep drag on my cigarette before putting it out on a nearby ash tray.

I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I don't mind. I can even take it off, if you like." He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His face burned where my breath touched it and his breath caught in his throat. He looked over at me with wide, surprised eyes when I touched his shoulder, but he didn't protest. I slithered my hand in between two buttons in his button down shirt and he shuddered.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" He gave a shamed half nod and I looked into his eyes. They were a bit cloudy, meaning he liked this, but I could also see a lot of fear. It stuck a pang of guilt through me, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. The part of my brain that always had fantasies about everyone but him wanted to know him and place a memory in the absence of a fantasy. A bit of the guilt broke through a crack in my brain so I stood up and reached my hand out for him.

"Huh?" The puzzlement on his face would have cracked me up if I didn't feel like a demon for all of this.

"Come on. Everyone should have the dignity of their first time being on a bed," he stared at my hand like he was trying to figure out what was going on. "Come on," I grabbed his hand, "My sheets are cleaner than this couch anyway."

He slowly took my hand and I led him to my bedroom. He looked around wildly and I didn't blame him. My room looks like it belongs in another apartment. It was pretty much pristine. I only ever came in to sleep and entertain my guests, so it wasn't used much. I pushed him backwards onto the bed before crawling onto him. His eyes looked kind of wild now, which enthralled me. He probably wanted this, knew this was going to happen. He was probably rebelling against poor mommy or something. I filled my brain with excuses so the guilt would hopefully dissipate.

He leaned up like he wanted to kiss and I had to draw back. "Remember how I said I don't swap spit?" He nodded and a slightly disappointed look crossed his face. I leaned down and breathed oh his neck, "Don't worry. I'll make up for it in other ways."

I straddled him while I unbuttoned his shirt. I started to kiss his neck and rub under his shirt. He responded positively, so I began to pull off his jacket. He didn't lean up to help me, so it was stuck.

I whispered into his ear again, "Sit up so I can take your jacket off." When I leaned up, he didn't move. His eyes looked conflicted, like he really wanted to, but he was worried about something. "What's wrong?"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke out in a timid voice, "Okay… but don't say anything about it."

I looked at him confusedly, but he didn't expand on the subject. He sat up and I started to pull his jacket and shirt off. Maybe he thought I was going to make fun of his body? What was 'it'? Was he talking about his manhood? When it was finally off I searched his body with my hands as I sucked on his nipples. He moaned lightly and I knew he was ready for more. I pinched his nipples as I busied my mouth with the task of unbuttoning his jeans. He moaned in approval.

"So, tell me. Do you want me to keep like this, or do you want it rough?"

He thought for a moment before looking away, embarrassed, "The second one."

I grinned, happy because that was my favorite kind. He smiled meekly back before lifting his arm and tugging on my shirt. I had forgotten my promise, so I peeled it off. He ran his hands all over my torso, the shyness he had had earlier must've disappeared. It made me feel a bit smug, so it made me want to torture him some. I bent down and bit one of his nipples and he moaned loudly. Jackpot. Apparently he hadn't lied about liking it rough. I bit the other and got the same response.

His sweet moan was music to my ears and made me want to punish him even more. I felt excitement overtake me like it hadn't in a long time and I became a bit rambunctious. I bit and sucked on his neck, knowing full well that it was going to leave huge hickys later and that I was breaking one of my own rules. I never left marks, but I couldn't help it. His pale, unmarked skin just screamed to be marred.

He was enjoying every second of it too, his usually quiet voice almost shaking the furniture. I nibbled and sucked all the way down his arm and was about to bite his fingers when the tangy flavor of iron tainted my mouth. In surprise I jerked away, in fear of that I had bitten too hard and had broken the skin. I looked at his arm and realized instantly that I hadn't broken the skin; I had just knocked off a scab.

His forearm was covered in lines, some old faded scars and some fresh pink ones. The one I had knocked the scab off of was slowly oozing blood. I just stared for a moment, not comprehending why his arms would be mutilated like that. The thoughts clicked together in my head and I realized this was the 'it' he was talking about. He didn't want me to say anything about the fact that he cut his arms. I looked over at his face and his eyes were looking at the wall beside us in slight shame. I paused until he finally looked at me.

"Please ignore it," he said. I was too stunned to move though, so it took him pulling me down to him for me to pull it together. I began biting and sucking all over his stomach, trailing my way down, but I couldn't block all the things floating around in my head. Maybe he was a masochist? He did like it rough… In the back of my mind the image of him crying in the bathroom and all the secret frowns played and I knew it was way more than just a like of pain. His moaning drew me away from my thoughts after a moment or so, so I decided I would deal with it after. After all, maybe I could distract him from whatever was leading him to this behavior, at least for this moment.

I decided to take it further. A few moments later we got down to business. He didn't seem to mind and I wondered if he actually wasn't a virgin or that he actually likes pain that much. I decided to ignore it, what does it matter to me if he actually wasn't a virgin? And at the other aspect I just settled on the old stand-by that "it's always the quiet ones." Most guys on their first time were usually screaming in agony at first, not ecstasy. He defiantly seemed to love this. His loud moans set me off and for once in my life I thought I might finish before my client. He didn't last long and once his screams rang out, I couldn't help myself.

I jumped up and started cleaning myself up before dressing back in my clothes. Pip moved nervously and self- consciously. He mimicked my actions like a lost puppy. His faced burned every time our eyes made contact and the silence seemed louder now than when he was screaming. I felt like I was going to explode if the silence continued, but I said nothing.

My normal actions after sex, which was to clean up, demand payment, and either leave or usher them out depending on the circumstances, seemed inherently wrong. I didn't really know why and it bothered me. I brushed it off and blamed it the overall surprises of the day. The one thing that really bothered me was what lay just underneath his tidy, black blazer's sleeves. The tangy metallic flavor still sat on the back of my tongue, reminding me of the secret the meek British boy kept under a few layers of thick clothing.

I thought as I threw away the trash. Along with the mental reel of all the frowns and scowls I had ever seen the happy boy show, was a realization that in every moment I had been near him he had had a jacket or something of that effect on. In a place like South Park that was common, but everyone took their jacket or pushed their sleeves up due to the heat in places like school. I thought back to freshman year, when we were all fulfilling our physical education requirement, that he had even always worn the long sleeved shirt we were supposed to wear if we dared venture outside during the harsh mountain winter in P.E. The thought of Pip secretly being a tortured soul and hiding his hurt, almost ironically, on his sleeve still surprised me. If I hadn't just being fucking the small boy and had the taste of metal in my mouth I would not have believed it.

I mulled over what I should do as I robotically told Pip where my bathroom was. Should I say something? He asked me not to talk about it, but I felt obligated. A bitter part of me said I should just leave him be, I was nothing more than a prostitute to him. I didn't charge him though, and it felt wrong to do that, so I had no clue of what my standing was to him. I didn't know if he would just tell me to fuck off, in whatever way a genteel and polite boy would, or if he'd actually respond to me. My head spun and my body ached for some kind of release. I went in the front room and grabbed and lit a cigarette. I sucked on it so hard I actually choked like Pip had earlier.

"Rookie mistake," Pip tentatively said behind me. I jerked in surprise and my cigarette went flying through the air and landed on the wood floor.

"Shit!" I scrambled to pick it up before it marked on the plank and I'd have to pay a fine to get it fixed. I grabbed it firmly in my hand and sighed in relief when I found it didn't mar the wood.

"I'm sorry…" When I turned around Pip was staring at his feet, his long, lighter blonde hair obscuring his face. I could see the wrinkles of a frown peeking out and I felt overwhelmed by the sudden situation I was confronted with. Should I act coldly so he will leave or confront him?

"Its okay, Pip. No harm done." I was thinking of what to say next when Pip took care of it for me.

"So… It's getting late. I told my mom that I was just going to go eat with you and it's been a while now…" He moved forward and started to reach his hand out, but then he stopped. It looked like he might cave in on himself at any moment, but instead he grabbed his bag from near the door. He held it in his hands and fidgeted a bit. I noticed his cheeks were slightly pink and that he wouldn't catch my eye.

"I understand." So this was just a onetime deal.

"Kenny…. Please don't tell anyone about this." I felt a pang in my stomach, but I didn't know why. "Maybe… Maybe we could hang out again sometime?"

His question took me by surprise. I couldn't see his face; he was hiding behind that damn shaggy hair. "Sure." I highly doubted anything would ever happen like this again.

"I… I don't know how to say this, but… you didn't want… didn't want… you know…"

It took me a moment, but my brain clicked and I knew what he wanted to say. "No. This was free of charge." I could see his neck go pink, so I knew his face must have been blood red.

"Well…. I guess I'll see you later." He reached out to the door awkwardly and turned the knob. He was about to walk out when I stopped him. He turned his head and had an expectant look on his face.

"You might want to pop a mint. You don't want your mom to smell the alcohol."

"R-right…" A look of disappointment appeared on his face before I lifted my hand from his shoulder and let him free. It confused me, but I figured that it was probably nothing.

Except I was lying to myself. His absence left a sour feeling in my stomach and made my brain buzz with thought, something I did not appreciate since almost everything I did was to make it silent. I stared at the door until pain sparked in my hand. I looked down and realized that I had been holding that cigarette the whole time and the lit end finally reached my fingers.

I put it out in a nearby ashtray and grabbed another. I also decided to grab another drink, but this time something way harder than beer. I didn't want this situation. I wanted it to just go away. I knew then and there that if anything happened to him that I would feel responsible. I hated that. I hated that I had let the pity for him crawl into my heart and start this mess. I hated that I had let anything slither through my normal stoic manner. My heart grew a bit more bitter as I enthusiastically glugged some whiskey. I hoped that Pip would have never called on me or that I had refused him. I thought he was a harmless little immigrant, not some fucked up masochistic cutter.

My brain spun. I was bouncing back and forth between frantic, worrying thoughts and loathsome, hating ones. I realized that the whiskey wasn't making me sleepy like it usually did, it was just confusing me more. I stumbled into my bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet until I found something that would knock me out. I took three pain pills and swallowed them dry. I fell into my bedroom and onto my bed. My only hopes were that I'd wake up before school the next day and that this all would have just been some drugged out dream. I laid there for a few minutes before I plunged into deep darkness.

-..-..-..-..-

A.N.: Well now… All I can ever think of when I write such things is "teehee".


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

My neurons started firing and consciousness started hazily. I opened my eyes to sunlight filtering through the shades on my windows. I sat up and wiped the drool off of my face. I just stared at my surroundings. I tried to piece together what was going on. I remembered that I had taken some pills and passed out on my bed. Then I remembered that I had school. I stared for a moment longer until I actually _realized_ I had school.

I stood up woozily and grabbed my alarm clock, which was on the floor for some odd reason. I glared at it, wishing my eyes would focus. Finally I was able to read out that it was eight twenty in the morning. I sighed, realizing I was already late for school. It wouldn't have mattered normally, but the school didn't like when a student who just got suspended skipped.

I showered and ran off to school in record time. By then my left over buzz had worn off and I was able to deftly sprint to class. I ran into my first class and panted, exhausted. Mrs. Draven and the whole class turned and stared at me. I sank into my desk and tried to catch my breath. I looked around and everyone looked back down at what they were working on. My eyes scanned over to where Pip was and he caught and held my eyes. Only then did I remember what had happened the day before. I thought that he was trying to communicate something with his eyes, but what I couldn't tell. His crystal eyes held something inside, but before I could decode what it was, Mrs. Draven decided her presence should be known.

"Well, well. Two days in a row. That must be a record, though it was tarnished by a tardy. You have lunch detention." Fuck, no smoking for me then. I could already feel the withdrawals coming on, I hadn't had one since I had passed out yesterday. Mrs. Draven walked up and handed me the paper everyone else was working on. I gave her a hesitant smile and she laughed vindictively. "And look who is bright eyed and bushy tailed today! I think this is the first time all year I've seen you without a haze in your eyes."

I felt everyone's stares on my back and I tried to suppress a mortified flush. Nausea waved over me and I wanted to vomit, but I was able to keep my composure. She made me wish I hadn't have came or had at least grabbed something to chill me out before I left home. I could already feel today was going to be horrible. I glared at the teacher when she turned to leave. I mentally counted how many months until graduation was and sighed when I realized it was far too many.

I grabbed a pen out of my bag and looked at the paper she had handed me. It was a stupid crossword puzzle with SAT words and definitions on it. I did a few before my mind wondered. My mind was slightly foggy on what had happened the day before, probably an effect of two depressants, alcohol and pain pills, being taken together yesterday. I could remember the strange conversation with Pip in the hallway, laughing at his failure of smoking in the woods, and then sucking on milkshakes at Wendy's. I remembered we went to my house and we both drank some. My stomach sank as I remembered what happened after that. I had defiled Pip. Guilt flowed in my veins when I remembered the taste of tangy blood in my mouth. It took me a moment to remember why I had had blood in my mouth and I had to quell a bit of panic when the image of scars and gashes reached my mind.

I peeked at Pip from under my bangs. He was wearing a black hoodie, blocking his arms from my sight. His eyes were concentrated on his paper and he was nibbling on his pen cap absent-mindedly. He didn't seem very distressed right now, but the way he looked at me earlier made me nervous. I was still conflicted on what I should do.

I weighed the options in my head. I could ignore him and hope that everything turns out best for him and he either just continues on and doesn't do anything any more drastic or that he will stop. From what I had seen of those cuts though, it didn't seem like he was going to stop anytime soon. It looked like he had been doing it for many years now. Did all the years of bullying get to him, or did something else? Even though I liked to think of myself as somewhat detached from the people at this school, my conscience just didn't like this option. I would feel responsible if something happened to him since I was probably the only one that knew.

The only answer was to confront him, which was a problem. I could ask him openly about it, but what if something went wrong? I don't know what his mental state is, so what if I accidentally set him off? Then it would defiantly be my fault and I don't think I'd be able to handle that very well. Maybe I could just do something in the middle, not ignore him but also not call him out on it? I could just be there for when he wanted me and help him if he needed. After mulling it over I decided that was the best course of action.

The bell rang and everyone turned in their work. I turned mine in, slightly disappointed I was distracted and didn't do much. That bitch Mrs. Draven would probably just think I was stupid. I walked back to my desk and grabbed my bag. When I turned to walk out Pip appeared beside me.

"Pip?"

He looked shyly to the side before finally making eye contact. "Do you… Do you want to hang out after school today again?"

"Um, I guess." I started walking out into the hallway and he followed me. He gave a glorious smile, the ones he used to always shine at everyone.

"Great. Do you want to come to my house?"

His question took me by surprise, "You want me to come to your house?" I could feel the incredulous look on my face, but I couldn't help it. I wouldn't think that he would want me coming to his house, no one did.

"Yeah… My family won't be home and I thought we could just hang out and stuff…" His smile waned at my reluctance. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Oh, that's not it. I was just surprised. I guess so. Meet you by the stump again?" His face lit up again and an unfamiliar feeling shot through me. It unnerved me a bit, but I ignored it.

He nodded and the happiness on his face increased the unknown feeling. I really didn't like that I couldn't identify it, but it wasn't a bad one, so I decided it wasn't important.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I scrambled in my bag for my cigarettes and lighter and practically lit it as I was walking through the door. Lunch detention took away my smoking break and by then I had already been sweating and twitching with withdrawals. By the last period it took all I had not to vomit up bile and snap at everyone who even breathed near me. I knew I probably wasn't having withdrawals just from cigarettes, but that was the only one I could cure immediately.

It was almost orgasm worthy how good the cancerous smoke felt in my lungs. I ran quickly to the woods, not wanting to get caught smoking on school grounds. I sat on the stump and chain smoked almost half a pack waiting for him.

"Where do you get all those cigarettes and stuff? You haven't turned eighteen yet have you?" I jumped in surprise; he had snuck up behind me again. I sighed in relief when I realized it was only him.

"You gotta quit scaring the shit out of me like that, Pip," I stood and turned to look at him, "And it's called a fake ID and a scummy gas station."

"Oh. Sorry for scaring you, Kenny." I waved my hand dismissively and grabbed my bag.

"So, where do you live?" He led the way out of the woods and we began walking towards the street.

"Up on Smith Street." I nodded and followed his lead.

We walked about eight blocks in the opposite direction of my house. The houses we first past were the old, original houses. They were all done up and remodeled; the South Park 'elite' called this neighborhood their home. I immediately felt out of place, in no way shape or form was I an elite. The houses gradually started looking newer until they all were clones. The same brick house repeated itself on both sides of the street; the only differences were a forgotten tricycle in the lawn or an old, soggy newspaper in the driveway.

I tried to commit all the streets to memory so I wouldn't have trouble walking back, but all the sameness began to confuse me. The perfect lawns with the perfect brick with the perfect families inside made my head spin. I imagined the laughing faces of children and their mothers and fathers returning their smiles with hugs. The thought made me feel sick, so I just tried to remember that these nice family homes didn't mean that the people here were prefect, let alone happy. I just had to look a few inches to my right and see Pip's distant look and slight frown to see proof of it. Finally we turned right, down Smith Street, and stopped a few houses down.

He walked up the shoveled driveway and I followed him while trying to find any difference with his house and all the others. The only one I could find was that one of the house numbers had fallen sideways. He cocked an eyebrow at me when a snort escaped my throat. I found it funny that the house numbers read six hundred and thirty infinity. He dug around for his keys in his bag before opening the door.

"This is my house," he grinned sheepishly at me before leading me in. The house inside looked just as boring as the beige shutters on the outside. Plain walls surrounded cream carpets. The only decorative things in the room were some red pillows that were haphazardly tossed onto a black couch. A huge flat screen television sat opposite the couch and I couldn't help but be drawn to it, it was the biggest television I had ever seen.

"Dude," I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I was afraid that I'd break it.

"What?" He turned around and seemed bemused at my wonderment at this oversized piece of technology, "Oh, I have one of those in my room if you want to watch it."

"You have one?" I couldn't believe anyone could afford one of that magnitude, let alone two.

"Yeah, come on." He turned and started walking towards a hallway. I began to follow him but stopped when I saw a display of photographs almost hidden. There was about ten framed photos sitting on the shelving unit of the TV, some were of Pip. There was one of him riding a horse in the proper attire, that huge smile of his beaming out, a couple of him standing between two Asian looking adults, one of him missing a few teeth and in front of a different house, and another of him with a woman that looked a lot like he did now. I picked up one of him, that woman, and the Asian man and woman. They were all standing around him as he blew out candles on what the cakes said was his sixteenth birthday. All of their faces seemed to be ecstatic and a bit of jealously knotted in my stomach. I resisted the urge to throw the picture down. I sensed Pip's presence behind me and I turned around and pointed to the picture.

"Who are all these people?"

He seemed surprised, but he took the frame from me nonchalantly. "Oh, well those are my adoptive parents, Rin and Shou," he pointed to the Asian woman and then man.

"Your adoptive parents are Asian?"

"Japanese."

"How come you don't have a Japanese last name, then?"

"They let me keep my last name upon my sister's request."

"Sister?"

"Her," he pointed to the woman that looked a lot like him.

"How come she doesn't take care of you?"

He put the picture down, "She did for a while. She was only eighteen though and wanted to go to college, something she couldn't do with me, so she put me up for adoption and hoped for the best. Rin and Shou moved here from Denver. Shou is a surgeon and wanted to work at Tom's Rhinoplasty, about the time I was put up for adoption. They couldn't have any children, so they adopted me." He stared at the picture, a slight grimace slithering across his face.

"Do you like Rin and Shou?" His eyes jerked towards me in surprise.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. It was a good question to me. I would have loved to have a family like this. I followed him towards his room. We passed the kitchen, a couple of bedrooms, and a bathroom. They all looked like they were brand new and never used. If there hadn't have been furniture in there I would have guessed no one lived here.

"Did you just move here?"

"Huh?" He stopped and looked at me like I was crazy. "No, we've been in this house for a few years now. Why?"

"It's all so… I don't know, new looking. It almost looks like no one lives here."

"Oh. No one besides me is ever really home. The room up there is my parents and the other bedroom is for my sister whenever she visits." He turned the knob on the last door in the hallway and turned on the light.

I was taken by surprise when I saw his room. It was almost as neat as the rest of the house, save for a few tossed aside articles of clothing. That wasn't why I was surprised though. The walls were a deep red color, such a stark contrast from the oatmeal color of the other rooms, and were neatly covered in posters and pictures. The huge TV sat across from a mahogany king sized bed. A few other mahogany pieces of furniture were throughout the room, lining the walls and creating gaps in the posters.

I had never seen such nice things in one place and I was surprised that his parents let him have such nice and expensive furniture. Of course it _was_ Pip. I couldn't ever really imagine him ever trying to mess it up by throwing a ball around or wrestling a friend inside or even forgetting to use a coaster. I felt a bit more jealously seep from my brain and into my stomach, making me wish that my mental barrier would work like it used to.

He closed his door and I looked at the posters on his walls. A lot of them were bands and many had some guy called 'Patrick Wolf' on them. I didn't really know who any of them were; I didn't really listen to much music. A few of them were pieces of art. I stared at one while I heard Pip click on his TV. It was a picture of an overly demonized cartoonish looking raven; fangs lined the inside of its beak which was holding a key. In the background below the flying raven was an anatomically correct heart with a keyhole in it. A few inches away from the heart was a boy lying on the ground, his arm limply outstretched towards the heart. Blood pooled around him and the organ and upon second glance it looked like the raven was smiling. I couldn't help but shudder at the disturbing image and wonder why he would have such a thing in his room. I was about to turn away when I saw a scribbled name in the corner. I squinted at it and was able to see it said 'Phillip Pirrup.'

"You painted this, Pip?" He turned, confused as to what I was talking about. I pointed towards the painting and a bit of pink stained his cheeks.

"Y-yes. I know; it's kind of grotesque."

"I didn't know you painted."

"Not many people do."

I looked at few of the other paintings. There was one of a bunch of cartoonish black monsters chasing a boy, realistic innards falling out of a gash in his torso and laying after him. Another was of a boy that had tripped over a rock and was tumbling over the edge of a building, more cartoonish monsters awaiting him below with the remains of some kind of creature in their mouths. The only other painting hanging up was even more horrible than the others. It was from what I could gather was Pip himself lying limp in the mouth of one of the cartoon monsters. A shiver vibrated down my spine. All the paintings were very beautifully done, but the subject matter, especially the last one, disturbed me.

"They are very good." I turned and tried to act casually even though I was slightly unnerved.

He paused for a moment and studied my face, "Thanks." I nodded and stood awkwardly. I didn't know why he had invited me over or what I was supposed to do. I highly doubted he would just want to hang out with me or anything since what happened the day before.

"Would you like anything to drink or anything else?" Pip handed me his remote before assuming the role of good host. "I'm afraid I don't have anything besides Dr Pepper and water, though."

"I'm good." We both stood awkwardly before he sat on the edge of his bed and I followed suit. I flipped through the channels before giving up and putting it on some sitcom. "There isn't anything on."

"Well… I guess we could always do something else…" I looked over when he trailed off and I saw bit of pink tinge his face again. I could only guess what he was hinting at, and the thought enthralled me.

"Do you want to?" I couldn't contain myself.

"To what?" He looked over at me, his face staining red.

"Your face tells me that you know what I'm talking about." He blushed even deeper and bit his lip. I scooted closer and pulled him by his shirt closer to me. He didn't resist and I felt him tremble when my lips touched his neck.

I roughly pushed him backwards onto his bed and then climbed on top of him. I ran my hands underneath his shirt and he sat up underneath me, using the one arm not supporting him to return the favor. His hoodie was zipped up all the way, so I unzipped it and tried to peel it off of him. He hesitated a moment before letting me take off his long sleeve shirt. I looked at his snow white torso and noticed that deep purple bruises polka dotted him where I had had fun with him yesterday. I scanned down him with my eyes. My heart fluttered in my chest when I saw his arms and it skipped a beat when I saw there were new ones added since yesterday. He saw me stare and tried to distract me by tugging on my shirt, demanding it be off. I ignored him and gingerly touched his arms. He tried to tug away, but when I held on he gave up. He laid back and covered his eyes with his free hand.

"Pip…" He didn't answer, but he shivered when I traced a line with my index finger. "Pip, why do you do this?" He kept quiet and I studied what I could of his face. His lip was trembling so I pulled his hand away from his eyes. Tears ran down the sides of his face. "Pip!"

He sat up underneath me, throwing me backwards, and smashed his lips against mine. My heart wracked against my ribs. My body responded without my brain and I kissed him back. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him on top of me. I felt his mouth open a bit and his tongue touch my lips, wanting entrance. I was about to permit him when my brain caught up to what my body was doing. I immediately let go and rolled out from under him. My body instantly missed him, but my brain was buzzing. That was one rule I refuse to break.

"Pip," my voice came out husky and surprised me. I cleared my throat before continuing on, "You know my rule." He looked disappointed, but I needed to stick to my rules. I didn't want to get people's colds and such, but I also didn't want to confuse the nature of our relationship. Kissing meant more than what we were. I didn't want to lead poor Pip on. He looked me straight in the eyes suddenly and I felt my heart lurch. I didn't know why my body was reacting this way, and it scared me. It made me _want_ to kiss him, but I ignored it.

I didn't ignore the urge to jump his bones, though. I grabbed him and pulled him on top of me, remembering to ask him about his arms after.

-.-.-.-.-.-

A. N.: Thanks for all the reviews and please continue to do so! :D You guys make my day, y'know.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

After we finished, we both grabbed our clothes and I followed him to his bathroom. We both cleaned up and dressed awkwardly. He would stare at me, but every time I would try to look him in the eye, he would dash his eyes elsewhere. I followed him back to his room and we both sat awkwardly on his bed.

"You know, I could actually go for a Dr Pepper now," I said just to break the silence.

"Uh, sure. I'm hungry so I'll bring us both a snack too." I nodded in agreement and he got up and left his room.

I sat still for a second, but the naughty part of me wanted to look around his room a bit better while I had the chance. I immediately pulled open his top nightstand drawer. That's where all the good stuff is always kept. Instead of finding dildos, condoms, or even a box of Kleenex, I found something that made my stomach drop. The whole drawer was basically a cutting factory. I guess his parents never venture into his room and snoop because it all was just in open sight, nothing trying to even hide it. Then I wondered if it was done on purpose, as a cry for help.

Inside was a freaking box of razors, the kind you buy at a hardware store, a package of rubbing alcohol wipes, some Band-Aids, and a sketch book. I picked the sketch book up and peered inside. It was filled with horrifying picture after horrifying picture, all reminiscent of the paintings but about ten times more gory and unnerving. There were sporadically pages of beautiful portraits of people. Some were of the musicians that adorned the posters on his walls, some of his adoptive parents, and one of a woman who looked like his sister, but wasn't. That one was especially beautiful and full of great detail. He is really talented. Even his disturbing ones are amazingly drawn. Who knew he had such talent… I turned that page and noticed that on the back was the word 'Mum'. So this is his real mom? No wonder he has such feminine and beautiful features, his mom was a knockout if I've ever seen one, at least judging from this picture. Pip… I wonder if he does it because he misses his real mom?

"What are you doing?" Pip yelled behind me. I dropped his sketchbook in surprise and spun around. He was holding two Dr Peppers in one arm and a plate with two sandwiches in his other hand. All the blood looked like it drained from his face and he seemed devastated.

"I was just… curious. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked through your stuff without your permission." I started to walk past him. "I'll just go. I'm sorry."

"Wait," he blocked me off and his eyes pleaded. "Don't… don't go, Kenny. I'm not that mad at you. It's not like… you don't already know or anything…" He walked past me and sat on the edge of his bed. I joined him and he handed me a sandwich and a soda.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

We sat in silence for a moment as I thought of how to approach him. Now would be the perfect time to ask him about everything. "You are a very talented artist, Pip."

"I guess…"

"I guess? No, it's definite, Pip. There's no question about it."

He paused for a moment, "I suppose."

"Pip, you shouldn't down yourself so much. If I had a talent like yours I would be flaunting it, not hiding it in a dark drawer or a rarely visited room. Have you ever shown anyone? I bet you could get into a good art school with work like that." He hid his face under his hair and I could see a frown peek out of the corner, making me panic that I might be approaching him wrong in my quest for knowledge about his problem.

"I…" he finally spoke out in a meek voice, "I tried to show my mom once, but she just thought it was just a pile of horrible shit and that I should get my head checked out." Oh, great. I probably just depressed him more, making him remember negative things like that. My craving for some kind of release welled inside me as nervousness bubbled and gurgled in my stomach.

"Pip…" Fuck, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say to that. This is a time when I wished I would have not made so many sex jokes and actually learned real social skills. "Is… is she always so mean to you?"

"I… Yeah… but it's only because she's trying to make me a better person. She just tells me the truth instead of sugarcoating it."

"In my opinion she just sounds like a class- A bitch." He gasped in surprise at my words and looked at me like he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry. I'm just getting a bit cranky because I haven't had a cig in a while."

"It's okay. She kind of is," he started to giggle and his radiant smile infected me. I felt my lips curl into a smug grin at the knowledge that I caused it.

"You're so cute when you smile."

His face turned blood red in embarrassment at my compliment, but his smile even still expanded. We said nothing for a while as we ate our forgotten food and watched the television. Our fun was ruined when my cell phone started to ring.

I answered it, "Hello?"

"Can I get the usual?" A gruff male voice sounded from the other end.

"Who is this?"

"Johnny number three."

"Oh, okay. It'll cost the usual." I looked over at Pip, who had a confused look on his face, until I guess he figured out what was going on. He blushed a bit and pretended to watch the television.

"Good. When can we meet?"

"An hour at my place. Are you going to bring party 'favors'?"

"Sure. I got some killer X last night."

"Sounds fun. See you in an hour." I hung up. I sprung up in excitement, the prospect of money and drugs setting me off.

"You got to go?" Pip said meekly.

"Yeah. I got some business to attend to."

His face flamed at the mention of my 'job'. "I'll show you out." I grabbed my stuff, followed him to the kitchen where we threw away our trash, and walked with him to his front door.

"Oh, hey. I was thinking if... you ever needed to talk or anything you could call me. Do you want my number?"

"Uh... sure?" Pip seemed surprised, but he pulled out his phone. I told him my number and he entered it into his phone.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later, Pip." I nodded at him as I turned the knob to leave. Suddenly, I felt a pair of scrawny arms wrap around me.

"Bye, Kenny." I realized he was hugging me, so I hugged him back. I felt funny as I did so, but I attributed the feelings to withdrawals. When he let go of me I saw the desperate look in his eyes. It unnerved me a bit, but I knew I couldn't stay. I smiled at him and set out on an adventure to find my way home in this subdivision of perfect lies.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next day I practically had to drag myself to school. I felt like absolute shit. The ecstasy that the client gave me had been some good shit. It was top notch, in fact. One thing I failed to remember, however, is that the greater the high, the harder the crash. The loss of the happy pill was killing my mood for the day, leaving me feeling depressed, tired, and regretting taking it. I hadn't done X in years, and I remembered why now. All I could do was just try to combat the feelings with my cigarettes, which was pretty much a failure. They paled in comparison to the neurotoxin.

I got to class just in time for the bell, earning a glare from the evil Mrs. Draven. I sat down and after she took the roll she handed out what turned out to be group assignments. She handed one to me and I slowly took it from her. She stared at me for a moment before a smirk appeared on her face.

"Three days in a row, Mr. McCormick. It must be a record for you. Why look so glum? You seem to be turning your life around. 'Course, with the look on your face right now, it seems like you made yourself so you wouldn't know that you are even here. I pity whoever becomes your partner," she announced smugly. I sensed all eyes on me and then the whispers ensued. Everyone was trying to find a partner so they wouldn't be stuck with me, the supposedly high and stupid slut. I just sighed and hoped I got someone who read the book we are supposed to have a project over.

"Alright Kiddos," Mrs. Draven began, "Today and for the rest of the week we are going to be working on an in- class project. I suggest you all show up every day because you are all going to be leaving your work in the classroom. I know some of you would rather 'work' on it at home, but I also know that the 'work' you produce at home is not up to par. So, we shall do this project in class. If I find out any of you took anything home, I will assign a new book for you all the read and you will have an exam over it the next week. So, you can do this one minor project or you can read a whole new entire book in a week. If I were you I'd choose to do the project correctly." She paused for a moment and then looked at me dead on, wearing a smirk at the same time. "Now, it's time to choose partners. I suggest picking someone who you know will be here, has read the book, and will actually be of any use. You've got five minutes to choose a partner."

Everyone got up and started gravitating towards their friends. I just sat there for a moment before laying my head on the desk. I know no one is going to pick me. There's no point in even trying. Though old friends like Stan and Kyle are in this class, they haven't spoken to me in years; ever since their parents said I was a 'bad influence' and that they couldn't hang out with me. I started wallowing in my own self-pity, cursing the stupid MDMA that put me in such a horrible mood, when I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

"Huh?" I sat up and looked to see who was brave enough to choose me. Concerned crystal eyes gazed down at me. "Pip?"

"No one else is going to pick me… and I know you haven't read, so I thought we could just be partners. Are you not feeling well?"

"Honestly? I feel like complete and utter shit." I sighed and we sat down in some desks away from the majority of the other classmates that we scooted together.

"You kind of look like it… What happened?"

"Pip… do me a favor and never take E. It might feel awesome, but it has one of the worst crashes."

"Umm… okay… So I suppose that's what happened to you?"

I sighed, "Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Ha, don't be. It's my own damn fault."

He nodded and we both read the syllabus for the assignment. "So, did you read _Grendel_?"

"No."

"Did you even read _Beowulf_?" I shook my head no and he sighed. "I guess I'll work on it mostly. It seems easy enough. We just have to compare the two in a group essay. I read both so I'll start writing."

I sighed, "I'm sorry I'm so useless."

"It's fine, really. I bet I can get most of this done today." He started writing furiously on some notebook paper, forming sentences and paragraphs faster than my hazy mind could think. He stopped after about three paragraphs and handed the paper to me. "Can you tell me if it's any good so far?"

I started reading what he wrote and was very impressed. He compared the two stories convincingly at every point and wrote very eloquently. I got about halfway through before anything caught my attention.

"Wait. You mean to tell me that in that _Grendel_book that Grendel, the misunderstood monster, stood _naked_ on top of a hill while flipping off and _cursing_God?"

"Yeah…"

"Damn… maybe I should have read this book. It actually sounds at least halfway interesting."

Pip shook his head and sighed. "Have you finished reading yet?"

"Oh. No," I continued reading and finished it off. "You have very pretty handwriting, Pip."

He blushed and tried to hide his face before anyone noticed. "Thanks… but that's not what I'm worried about right now. Is it any good?"

"From what I can tell, it's great. 'Course I haven't read, though." I handed him back his paper and he looked at it forlornly.

"Yeah… It'll just have to do, though."

I nodded and decided to change the subject, bored with school conversations. "So, what'd you do after I left yesterday?"

"Huh? Uhh…" He hesitated and his eyes shifted guiltily. "I watched some more T.V., drew some, and did some homework…"

He looked ashamedly at his paper, the clock, and his hands, anything but me. Did he cut himself some more? He didn't look exactly enthused when I left yesterday. What if it was my fault? Or what if he did something more and, as apparently the only one who knew, died? It would definitely be my fault then. Maybe I should tell a teacher or someone about it? I don't think I could handle if anything happened to him and it was my fault. But what if no one believes me? I mean he seems to be so cheerful all the time, who would believe me, the eternally stoned outcast?

I sighed, "Did you do anything else that you might want to talk about?"

"Like what?" I guess he's going to play ignorant now.

"You know what," I reached out and grabbed his wrist, caressing inside his sleeve with my fingers.

He blushed and jerked his arm away, "Sto-"

"What do we have going on here? Some faggy love dispute?" A fat tub of lard, otherwise known as Cartman, appeared beside us with an arrogant look plastered on his portly mug.

"Fuck off, Cartman," I sneered at him.

"Is that all you think of, Kenny? Fucking? Well, I guess if that's your only talent and source of income I guess that would be important. What, are you trying to make another customer of the school fag? Tell me, does she like it when you fuck her in the vagina?" Pip just sat there, devastation evident in his face. I could see his eyes were glassy and that Cartman's taunts really hurt him.

"Oh, shut up, lard ass."

"Ha, lard ass? Like I've never heard that one before. Why've you been coming to class, huh? Finally kill of all your 'customers' with your mega AIDS?" He turned to Pip, "You better watch it, Frenchie. If his mega AIDS and your super fag AIDS mixed together, your faggy vagina might just create the next epidemic. Just do me a favor and wait 'till you are back in France to do it, okay? All them drunk Frenchies can just die along with you."

"_Shut-up_, Cartman. Or else." I stood up and looked him in the eye.

"Children, settle down!" I heard Mrs. Draven call from the front of the classroom.

"OOOOOOOOO, I'm sooooo scared!" he snot out sarcastically, "Or else what, whore? You going to blind us by banging your gay woman's vagina in front of us all?"

"No, I'm going to do this," I said before punching Cartman in his fat fucking face.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

Pip, Cartman, and I all sat outside the Principal's office. Cartman was sitting there, anger radiating from every pore, as he held a bag of ice on his swelling eye. Pip sat there and squirmed under the gaze of Mrs. Hatchet, who was clucking her tongue at him in disproval. He kept grabbing his arms and squeezing, making me wonder if he was experiencing the urge to hurt himself. I sat there, trying to shove everything behind my stoic barrier and tried to repair the crack that seemed to only get bigger throughout the last few days.

I couldn't shove away my worry, though. I was worrying about Pip and what was going through his head right now; worrying what he was going to do if he got in trouble because it would surely be the first time; worrying if he would never hang out with me again; worrying why I cared about him so much; worrying if this meant something I couldn't handle; and finally, worrying if I was going to be expelled.

Mr. Simmons stepped out of his office and sighed at the sight of us. He sighed again, "Come in." We all squeezed into his cramped office, Pip and I standing up as Cartman laid his gargantuan ass inside the only chair besides Mr. Simmons'. "So, what happened?" Cartman and I both started trying to explain at the same time. "Hey! Hey! Stop it! One at a time. Mr. McCormick, I saw you just a few days ago. And by looking at the roll you actually have been to all your classes since then. Why are you trying to screw it up?"

"I'm not! It's all Cartman's fault. Pip and I were working on our group project when he just walked over. He just started making fun of both of us, calling us the all sorts of inappropriate names and saying we both have AIDS and stuff," I tried to defend us.

"Nu-Uh! I didn't call them any mean names or say that! I just came over to ask them how their project was going and offered my superior intellect to them in case they didn't understand or anything. I was just trying to help!" Eric cut in before Mr. Simmons had a chance to respond to me, his whiny, pleading voice grating my ears.

Mr. Simmons rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure, Mr. Cartman. I had a look at your file before you came in here and ever since elementary school it seems that you have been a fan of using inflammatory language, manipulation of other students, picking fights, and bullying."

"B-but, I've changed, sir! I swear I have!"

Mr. Simmons ignored him and looked straight at Pip. "Mr. Pirriup, your record is flawless and stemming from my direct observation since you've been working in the office, I can tell I can trust you. So, please tell me what actually happened."

"K-Kenny told the truth, sir. He only hit Eric because he wouldn't stop taunting us, no matter what we did. He was just trying to defend me," Pip spoke timidly, nervousness evident in his voice.

"Hmmm…" Mr. Simmons rubbed his chin as he thought. After a moment or two he finally sighed again, "Well, although the normal punishment for fighting in school is suspension, and knowing your two records that would mean expulsion… hmm… Mr. Cartman, you have a three day suspension and three weeks of in-school suspension. Mr-"

"But sir! I didn't do anything!" Cartman cut him off.

"Quiet down or I might consider that expulsion more seriously."

Cartman shrank in his seat a bit, "Yes sir…"

"Okay. Mr. McCormick… I can see you were actually trying to take school seriously before Mr. Cartman came along, but I can't ignore the fact that you punched him. Thusly, I am going to have to give you a week of suspension and six weeks of in- school suspension."

I sighed in relief, "Yes sir." Thank, God I didn't get expelled…

"Now, Mr. Pirriup. Although I don't really think you had anything to do with this other than being an innocent victim, Mrs. Draven said that you were involved, so I'm assigning you to three days of lunch detention."

The look of shame and regret on Pip's face could break the stoniest of hearts. "But, sir… I've never gotten in trouble before…"

"I know, Mr. Pirriup, but rules are rules. I'm sorry. I wouldn't punish you if it was up to me, but it's not. The school district has its rules and codes that we have to adhere to." Pip's eyes started to water and you could see he was trying his best to keep his composure, but rouge tears escaped down his cheek. "Oh, Mr. Pirriup." He turned and grabbed some Kleenex.

"Fag…" Cartman muttered under his breath while the principal was distracted.

I heard Pip suck his breath in and he almost lost control. I feeel so horrible. This is all my fault. If I hadn't have lost my cool Pip would have never had been in this situation. He's crying because of _me._Me. It is my fault. Regret and guilt churned in my stomach, almost making me vomit. Pip took the tissues and managed to sob out thanks.

Mr. Simmons sighed deeply, "Cartman, I heard you. I think another week of in-school suspension is in order."

"BUT-" Cartman started to say, but had the good sense to stop when Mr. Simmons gave him a threatening glare. He filled out some forms and handed us all our personal copies explaining our punishment.

"Okay, ya'll need to go gather your belongings while I call all your parents to pick you up. Don't wander around or anything. I expect you to get your stuff and come right back, okay?"

We nodded as we trailed out of his office. Cartman glared and waddled off in front of Pip and I. We started off down the hallway, walking side by side, slowly. I peeked over at Pip and he had his arms crossed as he struggled to control his tears.

"Pip… look… I'm sorry. I… I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid," I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder. I expected him to shake it off and berate me, but that's not what he did. Instead he hugged me fiercely and buried his head in my neck. I felt hot tears wet my neck as he finally just let it all out. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly against me. It felt good to have him so close to me. It felt like something was melting inside of me, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. I rubbed his back in an attempt to soothe him and I felt him relax. He started to calm down and I felt relief wash through me.

"Ahem," the noise of someone clearing their throat resonated through the hallway. Pip and I disengaged and looked towards the noise. Kyle Broflowski tried to walk casually by us, but I could tell by the pink tinting his cheeks that he was embarrassed. I looked over at Pip and his face was even worse than Kyle's.

"Come on, Pip." I started walking towards the dragon's class and he followed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I could hear Pip's occasional sniffles as he sat beside me in the office, but other than that he was fine now. He just looked scared shitless, probably about what his parents were going to say. Cartman sat in the chair to my other side. He was staring poison darts at me with his good eye, but I ignored him. They were both waiting for their parents to come pick them up. I, on the other hand, was told to sit here in the office until they had both left, for some reason. I guess so I couldn't wait outside and jump Cartman or his mom or some other bullshit like that.

A normal enough woman walked through the office door, but I knew who and what she really was. Cartman's mother: whore and hermaphrodite. When we were kids I hung out with Cartman a lot. I wish I could forget what I learned throughout those years, but they are still engraved in my mind.

"Oh, Bobykins, what happened?" She came directly over to him and cooed over him.

"Moooom, don't call me that at school!" he complained in his annoying voice, "Anyway, that a-hole over there punched me in the face!" He stood up and pointed directly at me.

"Oh, honey, don't swear! It'll all be fine. We'll get you home and you can watch cartoons and I'll make you a snack," she led him over to the front desk so she could sign him out.

"Can it be Cheesy-poofs mom?"

"Of course, Eric. Let's get home now, Bobykins." She led him out the door.

I could hear a muffled "AY! Don't call me that, Mom!" seep through the cracks in the door. I looked over at Pip and noticed a bit of a smirk squirming across his face despite his watery eyes. I grinned, knowing what I could do to cheer him up a bit.

"Oh, Booooobykinsss," I tried to emulate Cartman's mom's voice, but it came out sounding more like a creepy, old grandma. A smile cracked his face and it only encouraged me more. "AY! Quit calling me that!" I copied Cartman's voice almost perfectly, a consequence of being his childhood friend.

Pip busted out laughing and I was about to go on when Mrs. Hatchett shushed us. We both covered our faces in an attempt to quite our laughter. I watched Pip and reveled in the fact that _I_ made him laugh like that. I don't know why, but it just made me feel a bit of happiness to see him smile like that, especially after what had happened earlier.

"Phillip?" An Asian woman called as she entered the office. Pip's smile instantly fell. I saw his eyes start to water again as he looked towards her. "Come here." He immediately jumped up and scrambled to her side. She glared down her nose at him, extremely high heels making her taller than him. She was dressed in a woman's business suit and held a briefcase like bag in her hands. "What is all this I heard about you getting into a fight?"

"It… it wasn't a fight," he replied meekly.

"Hmm? Then what was it? Tell me exactly what happened."

"Well… We were working on this project in class…"

"We?"

"My fri- class partner and I, Kenny." He pointed over at me. Class partner? _Class__partner?_ Is he really so embarrassed by me that he couldn't call me friend? Or maybe he doesn't even consider me a friend. Maybe I'm just a convenient whore to him. The pit of my stomach twisted at the thought. I hoped he just didn't want his mother to know we were friends. What kid wants their mom to know that they are friends with the bane of the town?

"Go on."

"Cartman came over and started to call me names and pick on me and he… he just wouldn't stop, so Kenny stood up for me. He punched him to make him stop…" He looked at the floor, ashamed and with tears just brimming.

She looked directly at me and stared for a few moments. "You are one of the McCormick boys, aren't you?" The indignation in her voice told me this was not going to turn out well.

"Yes," I answered curtly, not liking where this was going.

"I appreciate you standing up for my boy; however I want him having nothing to do with trash like you. So, I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from my boy. Okay?"

"No," I said coolly. The look of surprise and rage that consumed her face almost scared even me. I'd seen worse, though. Nothing could top my dad when he was on one of his drinking binges.

"Mrs. Takahashi, please! Just sign your son out and leave the premises," Mrs. Hatchett entreated. She held the list and a pen out to her. Pip's mother glared at me for a few more seconds before curtly taking the list from Mrs. Hatchett and signing Pip out of the school. She gave it back and headed to the door.

"Come, Phillip," she demanded as she left the office. He hesitated and looked at me with what only I could call a pleading look. My stomach sank and I wished I could save him from whatever horror his mother planned on putting him through. "Phillip!" She yelled, prompting Pip to run out the door.

The second they were out of the office she leered down at him and mouthed something unintelligible to him. I watched them leave through the glass walls of the office and with each step they took my craving for some kind of chemical increased. I was about to sink in my seat and sulk when I saw Mrs. Takahasi's briefcase fly through the air. I gasped when I realized that she had hit him upside the head with the hard, brown leather bag.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A.N.: Wow, only 6 more chapters after this! We're halfway through. I'd really appreciate any praise or criticism in the reviews! I'd like to know what you guys think. I haven't gotten very many reviews so far so it leaves me wondering if you guys are even enjoying this story. Don't hang me out to dry!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

I really wish I would have done something... said something. I took a long drag from my cigarette as I walked down the sidewalk towards my apartment. I could have jumped up and yelled and told someone. They surely could have saw what she did on the security camera footage. Or I could have ran out of that office and confronted her. Helped him. Just... done something.

Guilt churned in my stomach. No wonder he gave me such a pathetic look when he got up to leave. Shes a witch. I rounded the sidewalk to the base of the stairs that lead to my apartment. I climbed slowly up them. I remembered that grimace that marred his face as we talked about his parents, about how he talked about his mother's criticism, and about him actually agreeing she was a bitch. Pip Pirriup- the boy who didn't even bad mouth his bullies- actually calling someone a bitch, and his mother of all people! I should have known something was up then.

I unlocked my apartment door and stepped inside. I closed the door and leaned back onto it. I saw Pip's face after she struck him with her bag. For a second or so it was of shock mixed with a bit of fear. Then the tears started streaming down his cheeks and his face contorted into an ugly, broken mask as he started to sob. He kept walking down the hall, head down, as she strutted beside him, a smug look on her face.

The thought of her made me angry and the thought of her hurting Pip made me even angrier. I sighed and walked off to my kitchen. I made a sandwich, made myself a tall glass of vodka and OJ, and popped a few pills. I sat down on my couch and watched some mind-numbing sitcom. I waited anxiously for the drugs to chill me out, but it only made me feel even more guilty. Pip doesn't have anything to take his pain away. Except, I suppose, harming himself.

That made my stomach wrench even more. If he hurts himself its _all__my__fault_. All of it. _I_ punched Cartman._I_got him into trouble. _I_made his mother angry. Ergo, _I_ made his mom hit him. I chugged my drink and scarfed my sandwich. I felt my lids becoming heavy so I staggered off to my room. I fell onto my bed and snuggled into my covers. I breathed in and wished I hadn't changed my sheets, that I could breathe in Pip's scent. My hazy mind wondered why I was thinking of such things, but it couldn't answer itself as everything went black.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A loud ringing emanated from down the hallway and was piercing its way into my sleep, shattering the hallucinogenic dream I had been having. I finally was able to force my eyes open and I rolled lazily across the bed. When I reached the end I sat up and stood woozily. I realized I was still stoned. I looked down at the clock on my nightstand and, after my eyes finally fixated, saw it was two a.m. The pills were on their tail-end, but they were still affecting me. I heard the ringing start up again and remembered what I had gotten up for in the first place. I staggered drunkenly to my living room. I looked about for my phone and finally answered.

"Heeeloooooooo," I heard myself slur out. I shook my head in an attempt to get a hold of myself.

There was a pause on the other end and I was about to speak again when a shy voice talked. "Kenny?"

"Yesssss?" Fuck, I can't control my tongue.

"It's Pip."

"Pip?" My heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah. Can you talk right now? You sound kind of... off, so I understand if you don't."

"Noo, nooo, nooooo. I can tooootaly talk right naowww." I swayed my way over to the couch and crashed onto it.

"Oh, okay..." I managed to untangle myself and sit up. I breathed in deeply, wishing the pills would hurry up and wear off so I could talk coherently.

"Sooooo, what dooo you want to talk aboout, my dear Pip?" 'My dear Pip'? I need to get a hold of myself. Come on, Kenny. For once you actually need to be sober.

"Actually, it'd be kind of better if we could talk in person. I know its late and all... but I just... I just..." He tapered off.

"Sure."

"Really?"

"Yuuuup."

"Great."

"Youuu want me to come- to come over thereee?"

"Uh... it doesn't sound like you're in the best condition to go anywhere."

"Yooou can sneaaak oooout?"

"I think so. Shou has sleep apnea, so he can't hear anything over his C-PAP machine and Rin takes sleeping pills at night. They've been asleep for a few hours, so I think I can sneak out."

"Ooookay. See you in twennnty, then?"

"Yeah."

He hung up. I sat there for a few moments, but when I felt myself starting to fall back asleep, I got up. I need to get sober! I fumbled my way to the kitchen where I proceeded to make myself a pot of coffee. I splashed water on my face and changed out of yesterday's clothes while waiting.

It finally finished brewing a few minutes later. I poured myself a cup and, after it cooled a bit, drank it straight and hoped to high hell it would wake me up. After my second cup I felt myself perk up. I no longer had to fight my eyelids to stay open and I barely swayed when I walked. I brushed my teeth to get the nasty taste of black coffee out.

I went back to my living room and sat down to watch TV while I waited. I looked at my clock and judged it'd probably be about six to ten minutes until he arrived if everything went smoothly. I wondered what was so pressing that he couldn't just tell me on the phone. I anxiously awaited for him.

After fifteen minutes passed I was getting paranoid. What if he go caught? Or something happened to him on the way here? I mentally beat myself up for taking those pills and consequently being too drunk to go to him.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. I shot up and ran to answer. I opened it to see Pip standing there, hunched over and leaning on the outside wall.

"Pip? Hurry, come inside!" I ushered him in. He walked in and sat quietly on my couch. I walked over and sat beside him. He said nothing. "Pip?" I reached over and grabbed his arm, "What's wrong?"

He surprised me by collapsing onto me and laying his head on my lap. The rest of him was curled up into a ball. The sight of him made me feel like my heart broke in half. I pet his head and I saw a tear escape his eye. "Pip..." He didn't answer. "Pip... Please tell me what's wrong? Is it your mother?"

He nodded before sitting up. He sat facing me and lifted his hair out of his left eye. Above his eyebrow was a gash with stitches in it. I gasped and tears started streaming down his face. He let his hair back down and I realized that's where she had hit him with her bag.

"She hit you so hard it split your skin?"

"Yes..." he finally whispered.

"She took you to the emergency room afterward?"

He shook his head no, "Shou sewed it up when he came home."

"So... so he knows about this, but he didn't do anything about it?"

He nodded.

"Does she do this sort of stuff often?"

He nodded again.

"And he knows, but does nothing about it?"

"He agrees with it," he whispered.

"My... my dad... he used to beat me all the time. He would beat me so bad I'd end up..."

I don't like thinking of such things. About what he did to me. About the weird things that would happen to me all the time as a kid. About how I would _die_ and then come back, as if it was some sick joke God liked to play on me. 'You still have something you must do,' he'd always say to me when I floated up to purgatory and just like that, I'd be shot back down to reanimate the corpse that was left behind. I got to live with the knowledge of death and the pain of dying. Being beat to death was the worst. The easiest was when I'd accidentally, and sometimes not so accidentally, overdose. I lived for the day that I could actually die and finally be at peace.

Pip stared at me for a moment before crying even harder and grabbing me, hugging me fiercely. I was taken aback for a moment, but then I embraced it, hugging him even harder. We just sat there for a long time, hanging onto each other as if for dear life. I felt him finally relax and he eventually let go.

He smiled at me, "You're so understanding. Who would've thought?"

"And who would've thought the cheery little English chap apparently hated himself so much?" I replied.

He looked down, ashamed. I grabbed his wrists. He tried to pull away and started to protest, but quit when I didn't relent. I slid his sleeves up as far as they would go and inspected his inner forearm. On it was what almost resembled a destroyed cobweb. Bright pink lines crossed his skin in any way imaginable. There was so many lines that I couldn't count. Some looked deep enough they should have been sewn shut. It was a wonder he didn't bleed out or something. Guilt, remorse, and pity struck me and I almost felt like _I_ was on the verge of tears.

I just stared for a moment, the image etching into my brain to revisit me in future nightmares. When I looked up he was looking at me through his bangs, shame evident on his face. I brought his arm up to my lips and kissed one of the deepest cuts. I felt him shiver and when I looked back up his face was blood red with embarrassment.

"Pip..." He directed his gaze towards me and I bit my lip. "I'm... I'm sorry, Pip. It's all my fault... I just couldn't stand by and let that fat ass treat you like that. I never meant to get you in trouble and lead to this." I looked down. It was my turn to feel shame.

"Don't apologize."

"Huh?" I looked up, surprised. His eyes were soft and he looked as if he might start crying again.

"Don't apologize. I really appreciate what you did. I've never had anyone stand up for me like that."

I sat there speechless. I can't believe he likes what I did, especially since it got him in trouble and caused him so much pain. However, an idea suddenly shot through my head.

"Pip. I want you to promise me something then."

"What?"

"I want you to promise me that you will quit hurting yourself." He just sat there, mouth slightly agape and body motionless. "Please, Pip."

"I... Kenny... I..." He looked down at his arms for a few moments before finally looking back to me. "I... I will. But only on one condition!"

The seriousness on his face took me aback. "What is it?"

"That... that you will never leave my side. That you'll never abandon me." His eyes pleaded with mine and I felt my heart melt. I was touched that he felt that way about me, that _anyone_ felt that way about me. But I also felt apprehensive. I was going to be the sole barrier between him and possibly killing himself. That's a huge cross to bear. But if I say no, who knows what might happen? I couldn't deal with it if anything happened to him and it was my fault. I guess I only have one choice.

"Of course, Pip. I will never abandon you." He looked relieved after I said that. I grinned sheepishly at him and he returned with a huge grin.

"Thank you, Kenny... I... I just," he meandered off and stared down at the couch.

I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked back up at me and stared for a moment. The next thing I knew I was being shoved down onto the couch and Pip was on top of me.

"Pip?" I gazed up at him, confused.

He leaned down and placed his lips softly on mine. They lingered there for a moment, but before my brain could process enough to realize what was happening our mouths were open and we were playing tonsil hockey.

I felt a rush of emotions that I couldn't identify, but all of them were nice. When my brain kicked in and the alarm bells started ringing I ignored them. I'd never felt such a way when someone kissed me- that I wanted to stay that way forever, but I also wanted every inch of his body on my body and that it would go further. That I wanted to caress and admire him, hold him, and have something else beside routine and soulless sex. That I wanted him for him and not money or drugs.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A.N.: I'm so mean to my characters. D: As always, please review and a special thanks to you guys who actually do. I really appreciate it.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight:

Ringing reverberated throughout my room. My brain's wheels started turning and I huffed in disapproval. Why do I keep getting woken up by telephones? I heard a sleepy grunt from behind me. What? I forced my eyes open, rolled over, and looked to see who was in my bed. A mass of blonde hair greeted me. Suddenly it all hit me- the morning realization that you'd have when something life changing happened the night before. Waking up and realizing you life is now different, that you'd have to think different thoughts as you roll out of the bed in the morning. I shuffled out of the bed and across the room where I picked up the ringing cell phone, Pip's phone.

"Hello?" I asked sleepily.

"Who is this?" An angry female voice answered.

"Kenny?"

"Where the fuck is my son, you man-whore?" She demanded. Finally the voice clicked in my head. It was Rin.

"Excuse me?" How could she know he was gone in the middle of the night? I looked over at my clock. It said it was six a.m. Oh, fuck. We didn't mean to fall asleep, but apparently we did.

"Where do you have my son! What have you done with him? I came in to check on him this morning and he was gone! You must know because you have his phone."

"He's here with me."

"Where's here?"

"On Fir street, the apartments."

"I will come get him."

"But, I could just bring him home in a while..."

"That's unacceptable! He's grounded. He had no permission to go anywhere, let alone _your_ house," she sighed, "Just tell me and I won't press any charges."

"Charges?"

"For kid-napping him."

"What the hell are you talking about? He came here!"

"Whatever! Just tell me your apartment number and I'll come get him."

I sighed, "Two forty-eight."

"I will be there in five minutes."

"0-" She hung up. I closed the phone and threw it on the floor. The battery flew out of it on impact and skittered across the floor to the wall. I looked over towards my bed. Pip was sitting in the middle of it, eyes wide with alarm. "I'm sorry. I'll pay for another if its broken."

"That's not what I'm worried about. I could care less about my phone. So, my mom is coming over here?"

"Yeah," I sighed. I looked at his bed head and bare chest, "You need to clean up or she'll freak." He nodded and proceeded to get out of the bed. "She said she'd be here in five minutes."

He went full force at that statement- grabbing and pulling on clothes at a whirlwind pace. He ran into my bathroom and brushed his hair before coming back to the bedroom.

I pulled back on my discarded clothes and ran about the apartment, trying to hide any evidence of drugs or alcohol at a similar rate. I knew that if anyone opened a cabinet or my fridge would see it, but I hoped she'd just yell at me and it'd be over with. I feared for Pip, however. What kind of wrath was he going to incur?

We both were finally presentable, so I made my bed. I went over to Pip and embraced him. I rubbed his back and whispered to him, "I'm so sorry, Pip. It really is all my fault... but remember your promise." I felt him nod and let go. We walked into my living room and sat on the couch, ready to face whatever fate might be waiting for us.

Finally we heard a beating on the door. I started to get up, but stopped in my tracks when I heard what was yelled through my door.

"Open up! It's the police!"

I felt myself break out into a cold sweat and I tried to regain my composure. I opened the door to see a large, buff black man outside my door and behind him was a skinny, white dude. They both wore the black suits of the Park County Sheriff's department. Another man stood further behind them. He wore a slightly different uniform and badge. Beside him was Mrs. Takahashi.

"Yes, officers?" I said meekly.

"May we come in? It's awful cold out here," the black officer said in a surprisingly kind tone.

"Um... sure." I backed up uneasily and let them all in before closing the door.

Rin ran over to Pip and hugged him, "Oh, my darling boy! I finally found you!"

"Huh?" I heard Pip say before being suffocated by her hugs.

The skinny cop looked me seriously in the face, "Did you kidnap this boy?"

"What? Of course not! He came over here of his own accord!"

"Is this true?" He directed towards Pip.

He unleashed himself from his mom's grasp long enough to answer, "Yes!"

"And you don't wish to press charges, ma'am?" The first officer asked.

"No, as long as my boy is safe and sound with me and that heathen can't come near us. I want a restraining order," she answered.

"What?" I yelled, "I didn't do anything! He's just my friend! He had some problems and he wanted to talk to me about it."

"Is this the kind of problems he's so worried about?" I turned around at the voice. The officer with the weird uniform had spoken. He was holding up a tiny little purple butterfly. My heart sank when I realized what that butterfly was. It was one of the leftover ecstasy pills from the other day. I must have left it on the counter-top. I looked him over as he stared me down. There were words written on his uniform: Narcotics.

"What do you mean?" I played stupid.

"What is this, son?"

"A multivitamin."

"Really? What type is it that have butterfly's? My daughter would love to take her vitamins in butterfly form. Where'd you get them?"

"I got them at the drug store. They are right next to the Flintstones Gummies."

"Hmm..." He looked it the pill over, "I just, really find it strange that this vitamin has the same little heart on it that one of the drug manufacturers around her likes to put on their pills."

I just stared at him, speechless. I'm screwed.

He looked over to the other cops, "Don't you think this is enough evidence to make us suspect that there is drug use going on?" They nodded. "Well, gentlemen, lets search the premiss for more, why don't we?"

"No! It's not ecstasy! I've never even touched that stuff!" I pleaded.

"Funny," the narc cop looked over at me, "I never mentioned this was ecstasy." I stood there, dumbfounded and confused like a deer in headlights. He smirked, "Barry, cuff him."

The black cop took out some handcuffs and slapped them on my wrists. The other two cops raided my kitchen, bringing out bottle after bottle and pill after pill. I looked over at Pip and his mom on my couch. Rin was grinning from ear to ear while Pip just sat there, seemingly emotionless.

I glared at his mother as the cop started reading me my rights. "You lying bitch. I should just tell them what you do to your son." Rin glared right back at me. I was about to open my mouth and tell everyone what a downright rotten mother she is when I looked at Pip's face. His shook his head no rapidly before staring at me with a pleading look. I held my tongue even though it left a sour taste in my mouth. I can understand why he might not want to tell anyone. I didn't know his sister, but what if she didn't want him? Where would that leave him? Homeless?

"Do you understand your rights?"

I paused as I stared my apartment, at Pip and Rin and the police that were tearing it apart. It all seemed so surreal. "Yes."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A.N:

DUN DUNNN DUNNNNNNNN

Anyway, sorry I didn't update last week. It was finals time/ my best friend's wedding and I was busy dying. As always, please review! It would be the best x-mas present evar.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

I sat leaning against the wall, my legs pulled up to my chest, and rocking back and forth gently. I was hungry, having withdrawals, and freaking out. I was in _jail_. Jail. If I wanted to prove the stupid townspeople right, I just did right now. I bet the kids at school are all walking around telling about my arrest. It'll probably end up like the Telephone Game. It'll start close to the truth and then be warped into something completely irrelevant and inane. I just hope they don't drag Pip down into the mud with me.

Fuck, what I'd do for a cigarette right now. I looked over to the passed out drunkard that was sleeping off the party he attended last night. He'll probably get released once he's all the way sober with just a fine for public drunkenness. There was no one else in the holding cell. I swallowed and accepted the fact that I wasn't getting any kind of chemical in my body for a long, long time.

I sighed and decided I'd just lay down on the bench and take a nap. They will move me to my own cell later as they set up my court date and all that. Then I imagine I'll be sent to the state penitentiary since I'm nearly eighteen. I'll probably get to spend a few years there. Hopefully they won't throw the book at me too hard.

-.-.-.-

The cell they put me in must not have been much bigger than the bathroom at my apartment. It contained a set of bunk beds and that was it. Florescent light bulbs flickered and buzzed above my head. I had the luck, or lack of, to be placed with Earl.

Earl was wide and tall. He had a face that even a mother might find hard to love and he had the IQ of a rock. Earl was also blunt. He had no trouble telling me how it was going to be.

"Whater ya in fer?" He eyed me from the bottom bunk.

"Drugs and alcohol."

"Alcohol? How old are ya?"

"Nearly eighteen. What did you do?" I moved forward slowly, hoping he'd let me near the bed so I could get on top and hopefully sleep more.

"I din't do nuthin'!" He growled at me. I backed up, deciding I could ask him later.

"Well... what are you accused of?" I asked nervously.

"Murderin' ma wife."

I felt my eyes widen, "Oh... Okay..."

"Ay, dun be looken at meh like tat," He stood up and leered down at me, "I din't do nutin' I swur!"

"I didn't say you-"

He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me up to him, "I sayd dun be looken at meh like tat! I'ma taught ya a lesern if ya keep on a doin' it."

"I not looking at you like-" He dropped me down before punching me in the face. "AHH, fuck!" I cradled my face in my hands as my nose throbbed. I really hope he didn't break it! I fell backwards onto the ground. I felt blood start to run through my fingers and onto my orange jumpsuit.

"Ay! He needs the infirmary!" I heard someone yell. I looked across the hallway to see another prisoner smiling at me and shooting me a thumbs up. What the fuck? I looked at him closer and recognized him. He was one of my clients. I sighed in exasperation. A cop came back to our cells. He glared at my client and then turned to me.

"What happened?" he asked in a bored tone.

I was about to open my mouth to answer when Earl answered for me, "He fell an' hit his nose on tha pisser." He pointed towards the silver seatless toilet that was tucked in the corner.

"Right," he said sarcastically before looking back at me, "This true?"

"Well..." I looked over to Earl and him scowling down at me and knew I better play it safe. "Yeah. I'm a clutz, I guess."

He unlocked the door of the cell and held handcuffs out towards me. I struggled to get up off the floor, getting the blood off of my hands on the floor and wall. I put my hands out and he cuffed them. I quickly cupped my nose again, trying not to get blood everywhere. The cop pushed me out of the cell and quickly locked the door.

He led me down a hallway to a room called the infirmary. We went in and he uncuffed one hand and handcuffed me to the bed post. What I assumed was a doctor came out of an adjoining room. The cop stood beside me, watching every move.

"Sit," he commanded me. I complied.

The doctor came over, "Move your hands. And no funny business, okay? We don't want to add time to your stay at jail do we?" I moved my hands accordingly and I heard the doctor suck in air dramatically.

"Is it that bad?" I asked.

"Let's just say you definitely have a deviated septum now. Did you have one before?" he said as he rummaged through a drawer next to me. It had everything from synergies and cotton balls to scissors and gauze.

"No..." He pulled a alcohol wipe from the drawer and proceeded to unwrap it.

"Sorry, maybe someone can fix it for you when you get out. Now, this will sting a little," he said as he started to clean the blood off of my face. I grimaced, but it wasn't that bad. Not nearly as painful as the way my nose was throbbing. He cleaned as much as he could while it was pouring out more blood. "We got a bleeder here, apparently. Tilt your head back. I'll be back in a minute."

He got up and left as I did as he said. A few moments later he came back, bag of ice in hand. He handed it to me, "Keep your head back, but put this on it." He turned to a cabinet next to him and pulled out a bottle of pills. I felt my heart flutter in the prospect that it's be something strong, but when he handed them to me, they were just some ibuprofen. He handed me a small cup of water from the sink and I swallowed the pills.

"Well, there's not much more I can do for you. In a few hours, after the swelling has gone down, I can try to set your nose. I can't x-ray it or anything. We don't have those here and we are only to send prisoner's to the hospital in life-or-death emergencies. So." The doctor nodded at the cop and he took me back to my cell and the joy that is Earl.

-.-.-.-

I spent the next few weeks caged in that cell with Earl. He did finally let me sleep on the top bunk, thanks mostly by some coercion by the guards, but he still had me jumping at his every grunt. Also, my nose is now officially crooked. I found out that the client across the hall was in there, ironically, for trying to illicit a different hooker. I sat in that cell, rotting, as I waited for the legal system to take some action. The Park County Sheriff's Office were taking their sweet, sweet time processing my case and transfer papers.

Most of my time, however, has been occupied by worrying about Pip. I haven't seen him, heard of him, or anything since my arrest. It made me nervous. I didn't know if he was keeping our promise or not. I sure hope he did, although it seems like I wasn't keeping up my end of the bargain. Hopefully he knows I would be right there with him if I wasn't stuck in the cell with big, fat, and stupid Earl. The only other thing I wondered about was whether Eric was related to Earl. I could totally see Earl as Eric's retarded and deformed brother.

I was laying on the top bunk, counting the tiles on the ceiling for the hundredth time, when I heard some shrieking emanating from the main part of the jail. They must have bagged some crazy woman or something. I went back to counting, but the yelling seemed to get closer and closer. I sat up and heard some man yelling, "Calm down, please!"

"No! I will not calm down! He killed my son!" I heard a familiar female voice yell. Where have I heard her before?

"Mrs. Takahashi, please calm down!" I felt my stomach sink at the mention of her name. Then it hit me what I heard her just say, 'He killed my son!' What the fuck was she talking about? Did something happen to Pip? I slid off the top bunk and stood near the cell door. I saw Pip's mom and a man in a suit round the corner of the hall.

"You!" Rin growled as she saw me, "You little bastard! You killed my son!" She ran at the bars, but the man in the suit grabbed her arms and stopped her.

"Calm down or we'll have to leave!" He pleaded.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked.

"You killed my son! Sure, he had some problems, but after he stayed that night at your apartment he changed! You did something to him that made him commit suicide!" She yelled fiercely before tears sprang from her eyes. I felt myself go slackjawed and I just stared at her. What she said must be a mistake, right?

"What... what do you mean? Pip... he's dead?"

"Yes! You killed him, you killed him!"

"I did not! I never have hurt Pip! He was my friend, why would I harm him?"

"I don't know. Maybe for drugs or money or something. All I know is that I'm pressing charges! You'll go where you deserve! You'll rot in prison and then in Hell!" Her tears stopped as she became more vindictive.

"You're... You're lying! I would never hurt Pip," I felt my eyes start to water.

"Monster! You don't deserve to cry!" She yelled as she sprang at my cell, managing to scratch my cheek through the bars with her long, fake nails.

"Stop!" The man in the suit demanded as he pulled her back.

"What's going on in here?" A cop yelled as he turned the corner. He saw the other man struggling to keep Mrs. Takahashi still and ran to help. They managed to both hold her arms behind her and force her to walk away. I heard her yelling things like 'murderer', 'killer', and 'monster' as she left.

I felt my legs turn into jelly and melted onto the floor. Tears poured out of my eyes as everyone else around me stared in confusion. What have I done? I mean, this is my fault, right? Pip's mom thinks I did it and she knows nothing about what has transpired between us, so it must be true. I basically abandoned him. He didn't ask me to make that pact with him. _I _did. And I basically broke it. I must have destroyed the rest of his spirit.

I wonder how he did it. Did he cut just a little too deep this time and everything went out of control? Or did he do it on purpose, laying in a filled bathtub like out of some crime-scene investigation show? Or did he take a couple of his mother's sleeping pills without her knowing, overdosing and slowly drifting away in his sleep? I hope it is that one. To die peacefully, no pain, no knowledge of your soul slowly being ripped out of your body. I have known many deaths and remember the pain of each. I really hope he went peacefully...

But what if he didn't? What if he felt all that pain, all that horror and it was **all my fault**. How can I live with this knowledge? Knowing that I failed someone so completely? I don't see how I can. But even in death I will know, because I can't know peace. I will be shot right back down like a lightning bolt, sending electricity through my synapses and awakening my aching body.

However, the only thing I can come back to is that it's all my fault. He was teetering over a cliff, trying to find something, anything to hold onto, and I came. I pretended to be a branch that he could grab a hold of and pull himself slowly back up, but I didn't let him. I ended up pushing him, ever so slightly, throwing him completely off balance until he tumbled and rolled down the cliff side and finally hit the jagged, rocky bottom. I really was a murderer. I may not have held the blade in my hand or the pill in my palm, but I did it. I did it. If only there was some way to reverse it all. Take it all back. What can I do?

My crying finally trickled into light sniffiling and I was able to stand up. I eyed Earl as I started to climb the bed and onto my bunk. His face was scrunched up like he was disgusted by something and I felt a pang of guilt go through me. However, when I got to the top bunk an idea came to me. What if I could somehow bring him back? I've been dead more times than I can count. I've met Satan and God countless times too. Maybe I can barter with them?

One problem though, how will I get there? I really, really hate dying. The only way I can tolerate it is when it's drug induced. The only problem is there is no drugs anywhere on the jail property, at least not the death-inducing kind. I looked around the room and there wasn't really any ways to kill anything but someone's spirit. I could have used the sheets off my bed as a noose, only problem is there isn't anything the right height that I could reach to hang it from.

If only there was something in this room that I could use. I looked around until an idea started to form in my head. If I could use Earl's hate for me to my advantage...

I jumped down from my bunk onto the floor. I turned and looked Earl in the eye, "Hey, you murdering motherfucker! So how'd you take the bitch out? Did you stick a knife in her? Did she scream _ohhh_ so sweetly before you finished her off? Did-"

I was interrupted by Earl's fist punching my face. I fell backwards, smashing my head into the cement wall. It hurt like hell, but I knew it wasn't enough.

"Guard! Guard!" I heard the man across the hallway scream.

"Is that all you got, motherfucker?" I managed to groan out. He punched me again, re-breaking my nose. I tried not to scream from the pain. "I bet... I bet your dead wife... could throw a better punch than that..."

He pulled me up by my collar and threw me backwards onto the floor, making my head bounce off the concrete like a basketball. He got on top of me and started to punch me in the face repeatedly.

"Help, guard! Hurry! Fight!" was the last thing I heard.

-.-.-.-.-

A.N.: Sorry for falling off the face of the Earth and not posting for a while. :/

Also: Readers, Y U NO review?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten:

I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn't obey. I could see a bright, yellowish light filtering through my eyelids, however. This wasn't right. Whenever I awoke in purgatory, the light was in a sad, gray tone and it was usually completely quiet. I could hear something like a TV buzzing on and on in the background. I could also feel my head throbbing with a dull pain. This is completely and utterly _wrong_.

I laid there for what felt like forever before I could force my eyes to open. They couldn't open all the way. They felt swollen and sleepy. I glanced about the room and saw a TV mounted to the wall. It looked like it was playing one of those trashy paternity shows. I glanced beside me to see a man in a police uniform sitting in a chair and staring at the TV at my bedside.

At the sight it all came flooding back to me. Pip, jail, and my plan. It seems it didn't work like it was supposed to. I'm still alive. I really hoped, however brazen my plan was, that it would work. I wonder how badly he beat me? I wiggled my fingers and toes and decided he didn't paralyze me or anything. I reached up towards my face and yelped when my fingers grazed the skin.

The cop jumped up with a panicked look on his face. "Oh, shit. You're awake!" He scrambled to the top of my bed and pressed the button that called the nurse's station.

"Nurse's station," a male voice came out of the speakers.

"We're in room 228. He woke up!" The officer replied.

"A nurse will be right in."

The cop rushed to move the chair to where I assumed was it's original spot before turning the TV off. He ran over to beside the door and stood still like he was on guard. I guess he wasn't really supposed to be slacking off like that. I cautiously raised my hand to my face and tried to touch it, but the pain was too intense. I grimaced, which hurt my face even more.

Finally a nurse came waltzing through the door, "Well good morning to you, Mr. McCormick. I'm Dr. Ranvier." Oh, she's the doctor. She came to my bedside and smiled down at me, "So, do you know how long you've been asleep?"

"N..." I cleared my throat. My throat was dry and didn't want to produce any sound, but I pushed it out anyway. "No."

"Oh, good. Your not brain-dead."

"What?" I croaked out.

"We were afraid you were brain-dead. You were hit very hard to the head numerous times. Each time your brain was thrust forward and backward in your skull. You may have some problems that will arise as you recover... but I digress. You've been in a coma for three days."

Three days? Dr. Ranvier went on and on about something, but all I could think about was it had been three days. There's a great chance that in that time Pip had left purgatory and onto, I presumed, Hell. I never would wish the pain of Hell upon anyone. Never.

"Mr. McCormick?"

"Huh?" I snapped back to reality.

"What's wrong? Does your head hurt or anything?"

"Well, a little. But it's not that; I was just thinking."

A look of concern spread across her face, but she continued on, "We are going to have to keep you in here for a while. Your face is extremely bruised and swollen and your septum in your nose was completely torn in half. You are going to have to have nasal surgery to fix it when you've healed some."

"Okay."

She stared at me strangely for a moment before proceeding on, "So, how are you feeling? In any pain?"  
>"My head and face. And I'm thirsty and kinda hungry."<p>

"That's a good sign. I'll get the cafeteria to send you something up and I'll get you some medication for the pain."

"Thank you."

She beamed down at me, "It's what I'm paid for." She turned and walked out.

Afterwards a nurse came up with a plate of food and some juice. She took my stats and everything before I was aloud to eat. She also handed me two little pills.

"What are these?" I asked.

"Valium for your pain. If you need anything else, just press the button and call the nurse's station," she said before leaving.

Valium? Oh, thank you, thank you, _thank you_. I popped them in my mouth and dry swallowed them. I looked at my plate. It had some mashed potatoes, corn, and pudding. I mentally thanked them for giving me easy to chew foods because with every chew pain shot through my face.

The cop eventually turned the TV back on and pulled the chair back before relaxing in it. He glanced over at me every now and then for some reason. I kept waiting for the Valium to kick in, but after thirty minutes I gave up. I guess my tolerance is a lot higher than two pills worth.

I sighed and tried to think of another plan. I couldn't use or do anything in the room on account of the cop watching me and I also can't leave and find something because of him too. Also, being handcuffed to the bed didn't help the matter. Fuck.

I watched the TV show that was on for a while, but I quickly became bored by the stupid sitcom. Apparently the cop felt the same way. I watched as he began to nod off. I could see he kept trying to fight it off, but his efforts were in vain. He finally fell asleep sitting in the chair, head propped up by his fist.

I decided I might as well sleep too, but my thoughts wouldn't let me. I looked around, hoping to see something, anything, that I could use while he was out, but I saw nothing that I could reach. I just stared at him, wishing he would disappear, when it suddenly hit me. What do all cops carry? Guns. Loaded guns.

I uncovered my legs carefully and scooted them around. They were stiff and it was hard for me to make no noise. I finally got them dangling over the edge of the bed. I stood up shakily, but stabilized myself after a moment. My left wrist was handcuffed to the railing of the bed so I leaned as far as it would let me. My finger tips were mere centimeters from the revolver that sat on his belt. I leaned even further. The handcuff dug into my skin and I felt the bed move slightly on its wheels.

My fingertips were touching it, but I couldn't grab it. I wanted to cry with frustration and pain, but I kept pulling, dragging the bed along with me. It made a terrible screeching noise as the locked wheels protested at them being moved. He stirred and started to wake up. I stretched as far as I could and managed to finally get my grasp on it.

"Hunngh?" He moved as I pulled the gun from it's holster. "What?" He woke up the rest of the way. I put the gun in my mouth pressed it against the roof of my mouth. "HEY! NO!" He jumped up and went to grab the gun from me, but it was too late. I heard a catastrophic boom in my head and then nothing else.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

I opened my eyes to see gray clouds swirling above me. I smiled. I finally did it. I sat up and saw the familiar landscape. It was a vast field, seemingly having no end. There was no color really. Everything was in gray-scale. I stood up and smiled at the woman beside me.

She didn't notice, however. She was just standing there, fretting and praying. I never got that, why they prayed here. You are already dead. Just because you suddenly start praying now isn't going to change your fate. Your fate was judged off of what you did in life, not death. As far as I could see there was people just standing around, fervently praying or crying.

I started to walk around and search for Pip. I knew if he hadn't already been sorted that he was first in line, so I started running north, up the steep hill that eventually ended at the pearly gates. I ran by the people in line. They stood there somberly having given up and decided it was time to meet their fate.

I ran for hours and hours towards the top of the steep hill. The only thing I liked about being dead was the never being tired thing. When you are dead your lungs don't really need oxygen, so I could run as far as I wanted to. I watched for Pip in the line, hoping he'd still be stuck in it. I was about to give up as I neared the top, but my wish was granted. There stood Pip. He was third in line and looked scared shitless.

"Pip!" I said, relief evident in my voice. He turned around. As he saw me his eyes grew wide.

"Kenny?"

"Pip!" I ran up to him and tackle hugged him. He staggered backwards, but I wouldn't let him fall. Not this time.

"Wait! My spot!" Pip cried as the person that had stood behind him moved up, causing a domino effect. He let go of me and started to run back. I grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back towards me.

"It's okay, Pip. If I'm going to bring you back, it'll be a lot easier if you aren't anyone's property."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, puzzled.

"I'm bringing you back to life," I smiled confidently at him.

"Nooo!" Pip cried out. "I never want to go back! I'll just receive my punishment and stay!"

"You have to! I have to make it up to you. It's all my fault isn't it?"

He glanced down at his shoes, "Maybe just a little."

"I knew it..."

"It's mostly my mom's fault though! I just... I just couldn't handle it anymore. She beat me and said she was going to send me to military school. And... I just wanted to see my parents. My _real_ parents. To see them again, the loving parents that I once had." Tears started streaming down his face. I reached out and hugged him ferociously. I had missed him so much it was insane. After a moment or so he stopped crying and I let go of him.

"I'm going to barter for your life. I don't care what the price is. And I'll barter for you a better one at that. It's just not your time, Pip. You have so many people to cheer up with your smiles waiting for you. You can see your parents when you die at an old age," I told him.

"But-"

"No butts. I will not fail you again. You've got to let me do it."

He stood there staring at me and thinking for a while before answering, "Okay."

"Come on then." I took his hand and we ran up the hill towards the pearly gates. When I saw a gray bearded man in white robes standing in front of a pearl pedestal we stopped running. We walked towards him slowly. He looked up at us before letting out a huge sigh.

"You again," Peter lamented.

"Heeeeey, Petey! What's up holy man?" I teased him.

He rolled his eyes, "What do you want?"

"To go talk to the Big Guy about this little one," I gestured to Pip.

"Why, might I ask?"

"Official business."

"I get sick and tired of you and that stupid demon boy coming up here and demanding me to let you do whatever! Back when this all started I never was treated in such a manner! I-" Peter was interrupted by the man first in line clearing his throat. Peter sighed, "Fine. Just don't ask me for any favors anytime soon."

"Thank you," I told him.

"Yeah, right. Whatever. Micheal! Take them to the boss!" He yelled before returning to his work.

I heard a great whooshing sound above my head before a figure thumped down on the ground in front of us. He was tall, svelte, and had brown hair that matched his eagle looking feathers.

"Hey, Mikey!" I enthused.

"Hello, Kenneth. What do you need?" He asked.

"For you to escort us to the big G."

"Alright," he said before turning around and heading off to the gates. "Open the gates!" He yelled. The gates were pulled open by two angels using golden ropes. We walked through and they pushed them back closed.

A bright, white light filtered down on top of us and our surroundings. It glowed brightly from the top of the steeple that adorned the giant temple. The temple sat in the middle of Heaven, shining it's light down on the inhabitants. We followed the gold road that lead to the massive marble doors of the temple. We finally made it all the way and stood in front of the doors. Pip looked around in awe of the beauty that was surrounding him.

"Open the doors!" Micheal commanded. The doors were opened by two angels that stood vigil inside the temple. "Kenneth, you know the rest of the way so I shall take my leave. Good luck."

He walked out and the angels slammed the doors shut. I glanced over at Pip to see him staring in awe at the inside of the building. The ceiling was vaulted and paintings reminiscent of those in the Sistine Chapel adorned the walls and ceiling. Everything was finished in gold and silver and the floor was white marble. It was more beautiful than anything on Earth could ever wish to be.

I grabbed his arm, "Come on."

He nodded and followed me. His nervous tremors increased with every foot closer we became to the pair of doors at the end of the hallway. I reached out and grabbed his hand and we walked the rest of the way hand in hand until we stood in front of those impressive marble and gold doors that lead to God's chambers.

I lifted my hand to knock, but the doors swung open before I could. Pip and I both jumped back in surprise. God was sitting at his desk with a huge smirk on his face.

"Hello again, Kenny," his hollow voice rang out.

"Hi, God," I manged to blurt out, my heart still racing from the doors.

I pulled Pip by his hand into the room and the doors slammed shut behind him. He looked around nervously before his eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw God. He went slack- jawed. I remembered I had almost the same reaction when I first saw God. It was hard not to when you found out that he was really part hippo, cat, squirrel, and only he knows what else.

"It is okay, my child. Calm down," God said.

Pip swallowed hard, "Okay..."

"Now, Kenneth. Why are you gracing me with your presence on this fine day? You choke on a piece of chicken like last time? I gave you molars for a reason, you know."

"I came because I have something to ask you."

"What, my child?" He asked.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Are you seriously asking me for a favor?" He looked at me skeptically.

"Yes..."

"Hmmm, go on. I am interested in hearing what you have to say."

"I want... I want you to give Pip his life back."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes, yes I am! Please, God, please!" I let go of Pip's hand and dropped to my knees to beg.

"Well, this is definitely a change. I've never seen you act like this before."

"I'll be like this all the time if that's what it takes!"

"Oh, no, Kenneth. You have your personality for a reason. Get up." I stood up and grabbed Pip's hand again. God looked directly at Pip, making him squirm. "You, Phillip. Do you want your life back?"

He froze up and just stood there staring for a moment. I squeezed his hand supportively and he finally shook it off. "I... I do not want my life back," I gasped but he continued on, "but I _do_ want to live. Just... just not the one I was leading."

God gazed at us for a moment before a smile appeared across his face, "I will do it."

"Really? Thank you, thank you!" I exclaimed.

"Don't thank me yet. You might not like the conditions that come with it," he warned.

"Conditions?" I asked.

"In return for Phillip's life, you must give up your immortality."

It was my turn to be slack-jawed. I had always said that I wish that I could die, truly die, but now that the prospect was sitting in front of me it was quite frightening. I want to live. I don't want to die and stay dead. It was a terrifying thought... but I can't live life knowing that someone close to me died and it was my fault or that I had a chance to saw them, but didn't. The choice was obvious.

"I accept that condition," I said confidently.

God smiled, "Now for the other condition. I cannot just reanimate Phillip's body after being dead for days. It would just be against nature and everyone he knew would not accept it. I will have to instead jump time back to before this all started. In return for this you must never talk to Phillip again."

"What?" I yelled. I looked over at Pip. He looked conflicted. I reached over and pulled him up to me. I finally found someone who doesn't care where I came from or what I do, that just likes me for _me _and now I have to give him up? It just isn't fair. I looked down at his face, memorizing his blue irises and the way his bangs were tousled on his head. Guilt surged through my body and I knew I could not let him just stay here. He was probably better off without me anyway, considering I was a major contributor to this whole situation. I hugged him as hard as I could before kissing him.

"I accept."

"Good choice."

-.-.-.-.-

A.N.: Only one more chapter left, guys. ;]


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve:

I could hear him sigh heavily from across the hall. I sighed too in response, remembering this situation from before. His locker had been jam packed with pads and he just discovered them. I went back into the bathroom and sat down in the cripple stall. I locked the door and plopped myself down on the floor. I lit my cigarette, knowing good and well it was my last one and that I'd have to go buy more. I didn't care. I needed it more than ever.

I know that Pip is going to come in here in a few minutes, blubbering about his situation, and I know it is going to be very hard for me to not get up and try to comfort him. I wanted to leave before he came in here, but there was nowhere for me to go. There was no rewinding again, so I don't want to get into any trouble. I took a long drag of my cigarette and threw the butt in the toilet. On second thought, I'm not going to buy more cigarettes after school. I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit everything. No more prostituting, drinking, and drugging. I wasn't immortal anymore and now, more than ever, I want to live.

I heard the bathroom door open and shut and the internal lock click closed. Then I heard the crying. My heart ached, listening to him go on like that. I bit my lip and tried my best to sit still. He gurgled and snorted when the pad fell off of him and I couldn't help it anymore. I got up, unlocked the stall, and exited it. He gasped when he saw me and shame consumed his face. I felt my heart ache even more, but I said nothing.

"Kenny?"

I ignored him and unlocked the bathroom door. I ran out and proceeded to run out of the building. I couldn't handle being stuck just a few feet from him and not being able to comfort him. I kept running as far as I could and then walked the rest of the way to my apartment.

Once inside I opened up all my cabinets and started to pour all my alcohol down the drain. I proceeded to drain the ones in my refrigerator and even my emergency stash. I threw all the bottles in the trash. It took two bags to hold it all. I went to my bathroom and took all the pills I had and flushed them down the toilet. I went throughout the house, looking for any kind of drug and threw or flushed anything I could find.

I plopped down on my couch and breathed in relief. Maybe this can be a fresh start? Maybe I can get serious about school and make my way out of the God forsaken town. I just wish Pip could have a fresh start. Its not like he could flush or throw away his adoptive parents. I snorted, enjoying the visual I came up with.

As I sat there, staring at the black screen of the TV, an idea came into my head. I ran over to my desktop computer and pulled up a word processor. I started typing away.

I sat there in that uncomfortable chair and itchy robe as Kyle blathered on about our futures after high school. I wasn't in the first row of graduates, but sitting there in that second row was a huge accomplishment. I had started attending all my classes, doing all my homework, and studying for all the tests and my GPA had raised exponentially. I was actually, technically, in the top fifteen percent of my class and I couldn't be anymore proud of myself. It might sound vain, but I deserved it. It was a hard and long road quitting my habits.

I had to get an after school job and downgrade to a practically cupboard sized apartment, but I made it. And I wasn't the only one who made it. I looked in front of me, into the front row, and smiled at the sight of Pip sitting there in the fourth chair. He had a huge grin plastered onto his face and his eyes twinkled with pride. The best part of it was that it was my doing.

God said I couldn't talk to him, but he didn't say I couldn't email the counselor at school with an anonymous tip to pull up Pip Pirriup's sleeves. To my relief the counselor actually acted on the tip. She had found what he did and called his parents. They ended up sending him to an inpatient treatment facility for a month or so, but once he came out he was a whole new person. Or not really a new person; he was the person that he had been pretending to be. He was happy, bubbly, smart, and confident.

After hearing what Pip had resorted to, most of the bullies stopped picking on him. Some of the more empathetic kids talked to him out of pity, only to find out what a charming person he was. He wasn't lonely anymore. Butters, Wendy, and the new kid named Damien were his friends now. I heard in rumors that he was planning to go to the University of Colorado in Boulder to study English literature. I couldn't be happier for him.

The rest of my high school years didn't turn out as well as his, but it's okay. I didn't make any friends, the stigma from my past behavior too strong. I didn't get into any competitive universities like him, but I did get into one of the junior colleges in Denver. I'm planning on moving there, going to school, and eventually becoming a drug and alcohol counselor. And I'm really, really hoping that I can find someone of the caliber of Pip in Denver.

"Kenny McCormick!" The announcer proclaimed and I walked across the stage and received my diploma. A few people cheered for me and it was good enough. I looked down at Pip's face and he was beaming up at me. I felt my heart flutter in response, but I reminded myself of the situation: Me not being friends or anything with Pip was the best thing that could have happened to either of us.

-.-.-.-

A.N.: And that's it. I hope you guys like the ending and, of course, the story as a whole! I would love to hear some feedback from you guys, so please review! And share it with your friends. ;] I'm sad to see this pairing go. Hopefully I'll write another story with this pairing one day.

Thanks for reading my story!


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